“Fear of school can be experienced by children of different ages, who are doing well and lagging behind,” recalls child psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “But school is not only a place where a child learns: help him feel freer in relationships with peers.”
Between 2 and 5% of children are afraid to go to school*. For some of them, the fear is so great that they can no longer cope with their anxiety. Some begin to act up and quarrel with their parents, brothers and sisters for no reason, others have headaches, nausea and even vomiting, sleep is disturbed. Some boys and girls, especially those in the primary grades, admit that they have nightmares about school and would like to study at home. A child may be afraid of a strict teacher or that he will not be allowed to go to the toilet, that he will not be able to solve the control … Among the various reasons for children’s fears of school, there are two that parents rarely take seriously. First of all, adults underestimate the importance of relationships with classmates for a child. Often the fear of school means precisely the fear of the team, the inability to take a comfortable place in the classroom. Many children do not know how to make friends and resolve conflicts. Even if a child has a friend in a close environment, at school he can feel very lonely and daily be afraid of ridicule of classmates, their teasing, games. If, in addition, he did not have a relationship with the teacher, the situation becomes really unbearable.
Discuss the issue with other parents to see if your child’s experience is unique. Watch him interact with other children, create a situation that will bring him closer to his classmates — for example, provide a place and time for them to meet at your place, organize a joint trip to the cinema for the weekend. Teach your child communication skills and be sure to talk to him about his feelings, about what you and other people are experiencing. Among those who literally force themselves to go to school, there are many children whose parents often talk about good grades and high achievements. For children of strict, “pressing” parents, any own oversight becomes unbearable. They constantly feel their worthlessness, failure and can withdraw or, conversely, behave defiantly, scandalize, brag, lie. It is not easy for parents to feel where the line lies between education and pressure on the child. Ask yourself: Do I admit that my son or daughter is another person who has his own preferences and the right to make mistakes? What happens if a three appears in the diary? And one more thing: being interested in school life, ask your child more often about joyful things, about what surprised him today, made him laugh, brought pleasure.
* Magazine for youth protection and education. 2008, vol. 3.