He doesn’t want to be friends with his parents on social media

Accompany his first steps on the Internet. 88% of Russian teenagers aged 11-12 have their own profile on social networks¹. The most popular of them are VKontakte, Odnoklassniki and Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia). Although, according to the rules, you can register there only from the age of 13, nothing prevents young users from circumventing the ban and overestimating their age in the corresponding profile column. How to be parents? “Do not force your child to delete an account,” says Galina Soldatova, “it is useless, he will open another one without you knowing it. On the contrary, help your son (daughter) with privacy settings and talk about the dangerous consequences of open access to personal information. And almost 60% of schoolchildren freely share it, not thinking about possible fraud, blackmail, harassment and sexual exploitation. Show me how to choose a strong password, and learn how to evaluate the impact of those photos and posts that he (she) publishes.

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Respect his personal space. If a child «makes friends» with you on the Web, behave with restraint on his wall: do not comment on his status all the time, do not argue with his comrades, do not hang out his baby photos. If he refused to be friends, respect his choice. There may be various reasons for this. “Teens strive for autonomy, they learn to be adults,” explains Galina Soldatova. – By distancing themselves from you in social networks, the child protects his world, his independence. He “locks himself” on the Internet page in the same way as in his room, where he is not allowed to enter without knocking. For some teenagers, social networks serve as a diary with which they share secret thoughts and experiences. Teenagers perceive their parents’ attempt to friend them as an attempt to control. Remember the child’s right to privacy.

Trust him. Perhaps your child wants to hide «adult» conversations, slang, contacts with acquaintances that you, in his opinion, may not approve of. On the Web, he forms his own social circle, which is significant for him. Let him build this circle away from the parent’s gaze. VKontakte, Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), Twitter play the same role that backyard playgrounds and wastelands once played — a place for games and experiments between peers.

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“Give up the idea of ​​“merging” with your child and look for the right distance, which implies a trusting relationship, but excludes importunity,” advises Galina Soldatova. — And most importantly, stay open to a conversation on any topic. If there is trust and contact between you, a teenager will always turn to you in case of a problem, without fear that you will tell him off.

¹ According to the Internet Development Fund, fid.su