“Don’t make a tragedy out of this,” advises Marina Aromshtam, Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences. “It is worth recognizing the right of a teenager to his own territory.”
“Don’t make a tragedy out of this,” advises Marina Aromshtam, Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences. “It is worth recognizing the right of a teenager to his own territory.” “Not only does a teenager not clean his room. He demands that you do not wipe the dust on his desk, do not pile scattered disks and papers in piles. Perhaps he even stated that he would like to put a lock on his door so that «outsiders» would not enter him without knocking. “Outsiders” are, first of all, parents. He no longer remembers, does not want to know with what love you repaired the nursery, chose furniture together and placed books and toys on the shelves. Now he sees in this room only his own territory, which others encroach on.
A small child gladly shares the occupied space with his parents, whom he feels part of himself. A teenager, on the contrary, lives “on the gap”. It is important for him to feel separate, self-sufficient. He, like an animal, is ready to “mark” his territory in order to convince himself and others of his own rights. But he is still very dependent on adults, in dire need of your love and, most importantly, understanding. Deep down, he expects his parents to help him become independent.
Recognize the headship of the child in this piece of space. Yes, now you have to negotiate the opportunity to clean up, rearrange something on the shelves or replace furniture. But, if a child is accustomed to cleanliness from childhood, he is unlikely to object if you ask: “Maybe I (or someone else) will wash the floor in the room after breakfast?” Ask him to vacuum at your place when it suits him. And it would be good if he took the time to sort out his desk and wipe the dust that does not benefit his equipment.
It is unlikely that such an appeal will cause resistance, because in this way you emphasize his “property right” and only offer help. As for the need to knock, make it a rule before the child himself formulates it. But ask him to knock on your door. After all, we are talking about mutual respect, and you just emphasize that you are ready to see a separate person in a child. The same as yourself.»