“Did your child drink a bottle of beer for the first time? Try to restrain yourself and talk about it later, with a fresh mind, ”advises age psychologist Andrei Podolsky*.
“He incoherently answers your questions, looks away and leaves a trail of alcoholic vapors behind him on the way to the room … A situation that we often know from two sides: first from the perspective of a teenager, and now an adult. For the first time, a tipsy teenager causes bewilderment among parents (“How did this happen — is he (she) only 13 (14)?”), Fear (“What if he gets drunk?”), Resentment and anger (“We put so much effort into him, and here is the result!). Few of us at such a moment are ready to treat the first bottle as an attribute of growing up.
For teenagers, beer is an important means of socialization, an easy way to become one of the new acquaintances, «show yourself» to classmates and, finally, an opportunity to feel like an adult.
Do not scold the child, shout at him, and even more so physically punish him. It is unlikely that in this state he will be able to draw a logical connection between your discontent and his condition. Rather, it will be affirmed in the opinion that you are «against him», that «no one understands him», only friends. Don’t waste energy on talking — just help the child come to his senses. Offer him food, put him to bed — he should feel your care. For a teenager, this is also a new experience — for the first time he experiences an unusual internal state: a mixture of euphoria and physical malaise, reduced self-control and a sense of shame. And how this experience will be experienced — together or in confrontation with you — depends on the behavior of the child in the future, and the willingness to trust you. A conversation is needed with a fresh mind. But, choosing the tone that is accepted in the family, from benevolently ironic (“Well, you were good”, “It’s a pity you didn’t see yourself from the side”) to harshly critical, evaluate the actions of a teenager, and not his personality . Explain calmly and patiently that beer is only one (and not the most important) attribute of adulthood, that a growing organism is doubly susceptible to alcohol addiction, and that ignorance of the measure can distort even the best intentions. Be prepared to repeat this over and over.»
* Andrey Podolsky — Doctor of Psychology, Professor of Moscow State University. M.V. Lomonosov, co-author of the book (together with O. Idobaeva and L. Idobaev) “A teenager in the modern world. Notes of a Psychologist” (Karo, 2007).