«Hazing» at work: how to survive in a new position

Harmless jokes or bullying?

A common method of pressure is ridicule, hidden under the guise of humor and good intentions. The old-timer «probes» the newcomer, looking for weaknesses. Not every joke becomes hidden aggression — often it is a way to establish contact, to cheer up.

We are talking about pressure if the relationship is unequal: they can joke about you, but they react to your sharpness with anger, resentment, arrogance, and the topic of ridicule over and over again becomes the one that upsets you, causes a flurry of emotions.

Your task is to define the right to personal boundaries. Respectful and wise. Especially if you are in a team for a week without a year and relationships are just being formed.

«You need to know the enemy by sight»

Tim Field, an expert in the fight against corporate bullying, named 4 types of aggressors.

1. «Looking for attention.» Usually this is a woman in the form of a patron, a caring and kind person. He will help you get settled in a new place, he will explain everything. But question her professionalism and methods, and from protege turn into a sworn enemy. He will not stint on caustic comments and will try to put him in a bad light, preferably in public.
2. «I want to be». More common among men. Dreams of honor and respect, but is not competent enough. Therefore, it improves in manipulation. If he feels a competitor in you, he will begin to set the team against him. Acts covertly, and the victim does not immediately understand why friendly colleagues have become colder.
3. «Guru». Master of his craft. Demanding and cruel, does not know sympathy. He does not consider you a rival, but he enjoys pushing others with their foreheads. Expect provocations and bile against colleagues. Give in — you will become a participant in office wars.
4. «Sociopath». He also suffers from a God complex and pits people. Unlike the «Guru», he will not condescend to personal participation, but will use the services of the «I want to be» type. Arrogant with colleagues. Knows how to enlist the support of the leader and with his help make the life of others unbearable.

Measures against pressure here and now

If you are attacked, you need to give an adequate, reasonable response, and not make plans and harbor a grudge.

• Compliments are capable of nullifying open bullying. Such an unusual and effective method was proposed by researchers at the Berkeley Institute. After all, any quarrel is based on emotions and cannot develop without a response impulse.

  Let’s take an example. The old-timer quipped: “You look like you spent the night in a landfill.” You sigh, “You look great. Is this a new shirt? Old-timer: “What kind of hack? How can you fail to do such a simple task? You: “You are doing very well. Will you show me?» Old-timer: «Flattery is a cheap way to gain respect!» You: “But you are a very sincere and straightforward person. Valuable quality.

  Openness and sincerity are important here so that words do not look like manipulation. Remember: there is something good in every person.

• If the inside is seething and it is difficult to show good nature, the conflict can be “put out” by speaking more slowly and quietly. It is difficult to raise your voice in response to quiet speech.
• In a situation where the offender does not need answers and is fueled by his monologue, it is better to switch to a safer topic. And in a collective conversation — on another person. This will help reduce the significance of the moment and unnecessary stress. When you let go of the situation, you are not easily hooked with a barb. The impulse sent into you passes by.

«Long-playing» armor

These techniques will help if the pressure is open. Long-term methods work against the hidden.

• Build relationships with those who are not opposed. You can get support from them, a more objective assessment of your actions and the information you need to include in your work.
• Do not interfere in other people’s conflicts without good reason. Participate in corporate life. Help people to evaluate you as a person and professional, and not from other people’s words. Establish interaction with your immediate supervisor in order not to let you be influenced by taking advantage of his location.
• Discuss the area of ​​responsibility, responsibilities, methods of assessment, timelines and priorities.

If the aggressor is a big shot

A superior person will help you deal with the attacker. The atmosphere in the team is also important for him: unhealthy relationships lead to a decrease in motivation and productivity indicators. Explain the situation to the senior officer from the perspective of the interests of the organization and propose applicable solutions.

In strategic sessions with company representatives, I explore the path to creating an environment where manipulation and pressure don’t germinate. Its principles are simple.

• There are fewer managerial links and the distribution of tasks based on abilities, rather than image and experience.
• Search for common values. Open monitoring of achievements and transparent communication «action — result».
• Constructive feedback.
• An educational environment where you can “grow up” and learn new things together.
• Understanding the strengths and «growth areas» for yourself and the team.

So the team focuses on common efforts, rather than personal strife. And there are fewer ways to cut the ground from under the feet of «fledgling» newcomers, who can quickly get involved in the work, «spread their wings.»

When faced with pressure, you can leave. But there is no guarantee that it will be better elsewhere. Even as a rookie, you influence the atmosphere in the team. It is up to you to move from place to place in search of the ideal conditions or to help create them where you are now. Manage your life and career or depend on external factors.

Develop what psychology calls meta-skills: introspection, empathy, flexibility, the ability to think calmly in a stressful situation and respond intelligently, not impulsively. And build healthy, sustainable relationships based on wisdom and mutual respect.