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Haters don’t hate, they only see in you what they can’t achieve
Psychology
You don’t have to be famous or “influencer” to experience the exploits of the so-called Haters on social media. These personalities, as you may already know, spend most of their time to criticize other people’s actions; they are specialists in seeing the bad of each content exposed in the profiles, in each photo, in each comment.
And let’s not fool ourselves, who else, who least, has ever hurt destructive criticism made by this type of people, because although we do not care about the words of strangers, sometimes what we read reaches our depths, causes pain and we regret not knowing what is the true identity that hides behind
of the nicknames they choose to unleash that hate. And why not say it, too envy.
However, the psychologist Ana de la Mata, from the Cepsim center, defends the idea that they are not motivated by those feelings, but the ‘frustration of not feeling satisfied with themselves because they feel insufficient, very far from their aspirations, without ways to achieve what they want. «In general,« haters »are not groups that seek to harm the other, but calm the internal discomfort they feel. They regain their internal balance through criticism, mockery or humiliation “, says the expert.
El anonymity is your best ally. Because this is how they can unleash emotions that are not well accepted in society: “Haters” act like this to vent the emotions that we most tend to suppress or repress or that are most censored, those that are not socially accepted or are highly criticized, such as hatred, envy or jealousy. Anonymity becomes a good way to express them without the penalty that they usually have from the outside, “that is a bad person”, “you can not feel envy” or “feeling jealous is sick”, he says Elisa García, psychologist at El Prado Psychologists.
“The impossibility of being identified in social networks causes what Zimbardo called” deindividuation “to occur, a diminished state of self-awareness in which reduces interest in social evaluation and the limits against prohibited behaviors are weakened “, explains the psychologist.
Laura Escanes, María Pombo or actresses like Paula Echevarría or Sara Sálamo are just some of the famous that almost daily they are faced with messages from “haters” who criticize every decision they make, analyzing the steps they take one by one. Motherhood, ties of friendship or love and their respective jobs make up the bulk of the most aggressive letter they receive.
Arm yourself with courage (and patience)
Erase the idea from your mind if you think you will end up dealing with and changing these types of people. Do not forget that you are the target of their bullseye so, perhaps, attacks on social networks will fade when you stop caring. The smartest thing and what can be most useful to us is, as Ana de la Mata says, ignore or block them, report the attack to the environment in which it occurred or to report it, while on some occasions “it will be more useful to respond with assertiveness or use humor.”
Social networks work as a mirror in which we seek to see ourselves and be seen by others in a certain way, to feel part of a group, so when we receive criticism from “haters” we can feel that our image is damaged or that we have been psychologically assaulted. Ana de la Mata indicates that it may be useful to realize that generally «Criticism has more to do with the dissatisfaction of the one who makes it». And, on the other hand, we should not be left with a partial vision of ourselves: “We all have parts that we feel less secure or less proud of, but we are not just that.”
For the psychologist it would be necessary answer the following questions frequently so as not to need the approval of others and not be afraid of criticism: “How satisfied do I feel with myself? What ideals do I aspire to? Are they achievable? Do I see myself able to achieve them? How do I evaluate myself? Do I allow myself to make mistakes?”
«I advise take emotional distance, be clear that this does not talk about you, that it talks about them and how these people also treat themselves. You have to understand that these are the rules of the game, that will help create that distance from where I can protect my self-esteem and that it does not go wrong or does not become something that remains ”, says Elisa García.
He adds that «if my affection for these issues is very high, the best thing will be go to a psychology professional to help me understand why this upsets / affects me so much and from there to handle it ».
Sometimes the fear of criticism can cause us to hyper-adapt, seeking the everyone’s approval. «At this point it may be useful to ask ourselves if what we think, feel and do is something that we want or is it what we think the other of us wants and we have incorporated it to avoid conflicts»Advises Ana de la Mata.