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Perhaps luck is nothing more than our way of explaining coincidences and maintaining our optimism. And yet we want to believe that it exists. To keep hope for the best and help your destiny.
“It exists always and everywhere, our unconscious predisposition to experience a miracle,” wrote Carl Gustav Jung*. Indeed, such amazing, inexplicable incidents happen that you can’t call them anything other than fate.
“When I was young, my grandfather once waited for a girl outside the cinema, but she didn’t come,” says 37-year-old Maria. – And next to her grandmother was waiting for a young man who was still not there. They saw each other – and it was love at first sight.” Another story about a striking coincidence: “I went abroad with a friend, but soon ran away, saying that I urgently needed to return to St. Petersburg because I was hired by a good company,” recalls 40-year-old Ekaterina. “I made it all up from start to finish. But what was my amazement when the next day the phone rang: I was invited for an interview – in the firm that I named! It turned out that a friend sent my resume to her friend – the head of personnel in that company. And now I’ve been working there for 10 years.” And another amazing story: a British family – Barry and Izzy Sim with their young son – did not get on the plane, which crashed near Donetsk this year. They said that they always flew with Malaysia Airlines, preferring this company to others. But that time the seats were sold out and they had to buy tickets for a later flight from another airline. What is it, really a happy occasion or a way to explain to yourself an event that causes too strong emotions?
“I was crying on the way to the airport… I felt like I was given a second chance,” admits Izzy**. But after all, this family simply did not have time to buy tickets – so does this mean that they miraculously escaped death? Is there an unreasonable coincidence of events behind the case (from the old Russian “co-luke”: to connect), or does it manifest itself as a certain common plan or Jungian unus mundus, a single world in which spirit and matter are inextricably merged? And why do we still prefer to believe in luck?
Elsa Godart, psychoanalyst and philosopher: “Why not knock on wood?”
Why do we need superstition?
It is a psychological defense mechanism against uncertainty. When the heroine of The Long Engagement, Matilda, repeats like a mantra: “If I get around the corner before that car, Manesh will come back alive,” she hopes that she can influence chance and prevent bad things from happening. Why not? If you calm down when you knock on wood, what’s wrong with that? Worse, if the rituals turn from a spell into a compulsion, which leads to obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Some superstitions are not so absurd…
Many of them are based on partial truth: for example, it is really dangerous to walk under a ladder. Such superstitions have a protective function. But there are other customs that are part of our personality. To follow them means to do justice to one’s cultural tradition.
Why do we find pleasure in the irrational?
I don’t trust “rationalism at any cost”. The belief that everything can be explained, ordered with the help of science and technology is an illusion that makes us even more unhappy. It is much more pleasant to leave a place of surprise and luck. E. T.
* S. Japriso “Long Engagement” (Limbus Press, 2005).
Explain the inexplicable
“It’s hard to accept the idea that it’s all just a coincidence,” admits existential psychologist Yevgeny Osin. – Although even in science, for example in chemistry, the result of a reaction is sometimes impossible to predict, since it depends on many factors. We talk about randomness when we cannot accurately determine the reasons for which this or that event occurs. This means that we cannot predict whether it will happen next time and control it. This uncertainty causes anxiety, and the belief that events are not accidental, that there is some general principle behind them, “fate” or “luck”, is a way to cope with this anxiety. It is much safer to believe in a lucky star.
“We need faith not only to survive, but above all, to start living,” notes psychoanalytic psychotherapist Svetlana Fedorova. When a baby is hungry and the mother comes to feed him, he believes that he himself called this nursing mother into existence. “He believes and must believe in it in order not only to feel his strength, but also to discover that this is a good strength, because it gives him what he lacks,” says Svetlana Fedorova. This illusion plays an important role in the development of the psyche: thanks to it, the child feels alive. Most of our beliefs serve the same purpose—to maintain confidence in ourselves and in life. “Then there comes a moment when it is time to give up some fantasies in order to get a clear idea of reality,” continues Svetlana Fedorova. But in the face of the incomprehensible mystery of our human nature, we continue to believe in a miracle. Carl Gustav Jung spoke of how this faith feeds our will to live.
Read more:
- They control our destinies
Explanatory styles
Where do people come from who consider themselves more fortunate than others? The basis of our ideas about ourselves is not so much facts as self-esteem, taken from past experience and the perception of others. Therefore, the minions of fate sometimes consider themselves to be those to whom she smiled not so often. Social psychologist Bernard Weiner found that some people attribute their success to internal reasons: “I am good at math, I did well for the exam,” while others attribute their success to external reasons: “I was lucky, I got an easy ticket.” The position of the first is active, they take responsibility. And the latter are rather passive and overestimate the role of chance – sometimes so much that they attribute “intention” to it.
Each of us explains what is happening to him, building a lot of cause-and-effect relationships, with the help of which he makes events look more or less controlled. The main thing is not to make a mistake in what is considered a cause and what is a consequence, because the one who considers himself a failure will indeed be less successful in a variety of situations. “This phenomenon, known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, is explained by the fact that the “loser” does not believe in his own strengths, does not develop them and does not try to show them, notes Evgeny Osin. “And vice versa: believing in yourself, even if it is not based on anything, inspires us and helps us achieve better results.”
“Our romance lasted a year. And remained for me the standard “
Julia, 38 years old, translator
“In 2000, I was in Poland on an internship, writing a dissertation. Unexpectedly, I was invited to a conference in Moscow. Encouraged, I rode the train from Warsaw. In Brest, two young men entered the carriage. The train started, and one of them, Oleg, literally fell at my feet. That’s how we got to know each other. But I refused to leave my phone – and so this acquaintance seemed to me too frivolous. And I wrote down his number on some piece of paper and deliberately casually threw it into my bag. Exactly a day later, I started calling him, but the subscriber was unavailable all the time. I was so upset that I decided to leave right after my performance. I changed tickets, got on the train and suddenly noticed that a friend of my new acquaintance was walking along the platform. He saw me, ran into the car, grabbed my hand … It turned out that I wrote down Oleg’s number incorrectly: I swapped two digits!
Our romance lasted a year. A year of romantic encounters, strong feelings and great love. But then the internship ended, and I had to return to my native Tashkent. Neither he nor I decided to change our lives. But I have neither bitterness nor resentment. On the contrary, our relationship has become a standard for me. My lover had two valuable qualities: he knew how to share what he loved himself, and to be attentive to what I loved. I was looking for something similar in relationships with other men. And she herself has changed: I am interested in what is dear to another, I try to help, to be sensitive.
Nature is a fool, fate is a turkey …
Believing in luck helps reduce the anxiety and fear of failure that often gets in the way of realizing oneself. But it can also be a way to absolve yourself of responsibility. For example, belief in luck is also characteristic of people with depression, who are haunted by a feeling of inability to change anything in life on their own, disbelief that their actions will lead to a good result ***. In this case, a person stops setting goals and achieving them, constantly expecting favors from fate, and in the end has every chance of becoming a loser and confirming his own theory.
“Faith in luck can help us, but if it is excessive, it is more likely to harm,” notes Evgeny Osin. – The most accurate position is realism: we cannot completely control any situation in life. But where something depends on our efforts, it is desirable to apply them. As the saying goes, “Trust in God, but don’t make a mistake yourself.”
“After a random win, I realized that anything is possible”
Irina, 23 years old, marketer
“Three years ago I got a job at the Cheaptrip travel agency. It was in September, and a couple of days before the New Year’s corporate party, I found out about the lottery for employees. Prizes – a six-month study abroad, “wintering” in Bali, a site in Turkey. I somehow immediately decided that this did not concern me. I never believed in happy accidents, I thought that nothing in life is given just like that. Therefore, when they said my last name and first name, I did not even move. Only when a spotlight was directed at me and again invited to go on stage, I realized that they were addressing me. I was given a $10 certificate and a list of prizes from which I could choose one. I really wanted to leave, of course, but I could not leave for a long time – I studied at the institute. As a result, the company agreed to pay part of the cost of the car, and within a month I had the car that I had dreamed of for many years. It seems to me that from that moment my life changed. I realized that everything is possible. There was self-confidence, some kind of courage: I realized that my life is in my hands and I myself will build it the way I want. Dream, set big goals and go for them. A year ago, I asked myself – why do I live where I don’t like, and spend my life on what I don’t like? She quit her job, packed her suitcase and flew away. First to Krasnodar, and then to Sochi. I always dreamed of living by the sea and seeing the mountains every day. And two months ago I opened my own advertising agency here.”
Signs on the way
When two events between which there is no causal relationship occur simultaneously, the one who witnessed them can find meaning in this coincidence. Carl Gustav Jung was the first to give the name to this phenomenon – “synchrony”: “I was treating one young woman, and at a critical moment she had a dream in which she was handed a golden scarab. When she told me this dream of hers, I sat with my back to the closed window. Suddenly, I heard a sound behind me, like a soft knock. I turned around and saw some kind of flying insect that was beating against the outside of the window pane. I opened the window and caught the creature on the fly … It was the closest analogue of the scarab that can only be found in our latitudes … “*. Jung does not claim that this was a message from heaven (although the scarab in ancient Egypt symbolized the new birth), but emphasizes that the coincidence made a huge impression on the patient, who until then “stubbornly clung to her ideas about reality”, and thanks to this, the analysis “shifted off the ground.”
The ancient Greeks had the concept of kairos – “a favorable moment”, which linked together time and action: either we feel “kairos” and begin to create our happy fate, or we do not notice it and nothing happens. Catching a lucky break means having a special view of the world. If we want something to happen, we can contribute to it by developing the ability to be surprised.
Is bad luck a symptom?
A sign that life is going in the wrong direction? Or maybe it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy? Be that as it may, failures are surmountable.
“I’m constantly unlucky”, “I don’t have a chance” … Some of us believe that they have been cursed, jinxed, doomed to misfortune and failure. And in fact, the blows of fate rain down on them: they are bullied in the family, betrayed by friends, they get into accidents, natural disasters, they constantly get sick, they are robbed … “There is nothing worse than believing in your bad luck – such predictions are always come true, says psychoanalyst Elsa Godart. “Because of this, we surround ourselves with bad people, make the wrong decisions, take unnecessary risks, stop caring about ourselves, as if we decided once and for all that we are not worthy of the best.”
Those who are so sensitive about luck have a distorted view of themselves. And this creates the preconditions for superstitions like the evil eye and damage, numerology and clairvoyance. They are also often tempted to put their lives at unnecessary risk. Gambling addiction, deadly jumps, Russian roulette, unprotected sex… And all this – in the hope of winning the favor of fate. But psychotherapy allows you to overcome bad luck without the help of magic. “To raise self-esteem, to understand what beliefs control our behavior, to regain the desire to act, instead of moving by inertia,” Else Godard describes this process. “But if we constantly run into a wall, we are not on the right track,” the psychoanalyst notes.
“The ancient Greeks used the term sumptôma to denote the coincidencesomething that happens at the same time as something else, says philosopher Michel Cazenave. “Repeated bad luck, like a symptom, invites us to reflect and deal with problems before continuing on our way.” It is a manifestation of what Jung called the Shadow: the part of our “Self” that we ignore or, in terms of psychoanalysis, repress. In other words, bad luck is a signal that we are not fulfilling our destiny. Jungian theory states that the individual and collective unconscious flow into each other. “We fail when the purpose of our “I” does not meet the needs of society,” says Michel Cazenave.
How to get your luck back? “There is no free will,” Michel Cazenave answers. – You can only survive this painful state. But if we do not turn away from failure and agree to accept our unconscious, this will allow us to know our deepest nature. Jung calls this process individuation. You can do nothing, the main thing is not to confuse finding yourself with the process of getting rid of troubles, and “a happy chance will not be slow to manifest itself,” the philosopher predicts. E. T.