Australian psychotherapist and sociologist Hugh McKie on why the bad days in our lives are actually good.
“In my opinion, the concept of “happiness” deserves criticism. I don’t mind if we feel happy, but the idea that everything we do should somehow lead us to happiness seems very dangerous to me. Because of it, a new disease has appeared in our society – the fear of sadness. In my opinion, all these calls – “write before going to bed three things that made you happy today”, “happiness is our birthright”, “keep up no matter what” and stuff like that – sound wild. This is how we teach children that happiness is supposed to be the default. What nonsense. Wholeness is what we should strive for, and part of wholeness is sadness, disappointment, frustration, despair, feelings of powerlessness, failure; all the things that make us who we are. Happiness, victory, self-realization, bliss are pleasant little things, they also happen, but they teach us little. Everyone around repeats that we learn through pain, but as soon as you experience pain, you hear: “Enough, we must move on! Come on, cheer up!” If it were in my power, I would ban, if only for a year, the word “happiness”, replacing it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself: “Is what is happening to me now helping me become a whole person?” And if you’re having a bad day today, the answer is yes.”
Hugh Mackay is a research sociologist and expert in the psychology of values and motivation. Bestselling author of The Good Life: What Gives Life Meaning? (“The Good Life: what makes a life worth living?”, Macmillian Australia, 2013).