The therapy group is a powerful tool that gives you the opportunity to know yourself and find your place in this world. Although at first it is awkward and scary to talk about intimate things with complete strangers, a deep connection is gradually established between the participants, and this experience heals and transforms everyone.
Group therapy is an evidence-based method of psychotherapy that helps to solve many problems, including relationship difficulties and personal difficulties. People come to the group to cope with grief, trauma, chemical addiction, anxiety and depression.
However, it is important to understand that this is a joint work, and a lot depends on the participants themselves, says psychotherapist Elizabeth Gomarth. She gives recommendations to those who are going to try this type of psychotherapy.
12 tips for those who are tuning into group therapy
1. Be open
Join a group with the intention of building trust with its members. Take courage and promise yourself that you will be frank, sympathetic and thoughtful. Speak out all the feelings, thoughts and opinions that arise during meetings. When people decide to talk about the personal, they begin to trust each other more and become more actively involved in therapy.
2. Respect group boundaries
Do not tell anyone what is happening at the group meeting, keep the participants anonymous. Come at the appointed time. Don’t leave early. Don’t miss a single meeting, and if you can’t make it, let us know in advance. Interaction between participants is strictly limited to the room where the group is held, and this rule cannot be violated.
Protect your boundaries and define what is acceptable to you and what is not. Let others know how to behave with you. The group should be a safe place where everyone respects each other’s boundaries and does not try to overstep them.
3. Maintain sincere communication with participants
Share with the participants internal subjective feelings: how do others influence you and how do you perceive (or do not perceive) what they share? Look for what you have in common. Notice how you respond to other people’s stories, feelings, desires. Try to understand why you want to get closer to some, and stay away from others. Allow yourself to dislike certain people or accept their actions.
At first, it may seem that you do not fit into the group: consider yourself better, worse, or simply not suitable for age or some other signs. Tell me honestly what exactly hinders mutual trust. This is the first step to real sincerity.
4. Take up a fair share of group time
Pay attention to moments when you prefer to remain silent instead of telling what is on your mind. Feel free to join in the general conversation. Notice what thoughts you unwittingly “edit”. Group therapy will only benefit those who are not afraid to put their feelings into words. However, be careful not to take up too much air time.
5. Do without secular conventions
At first meetings, it can be difficult to overcome the desire to please others and not offend anyone. But you still have to take risks in order to get to know yourself better in a relationship and understand what impression you make on people. The willingness to appear as you are, contradictory, vulnerable and indecisive, increases as the whole group “mature”.
Don’t try to please anyone. Your honest opinion about a topic or person is much more useful to the individual (and to the group as a whole) than approval or attempts to solve other people’s problems.
6. Be considerate of yourself and others
Ask people questions about them and let them ask about themselves. If you’re interested in someone’s experience, ask them about it. A person can always refuse to answer. But above all, take care of yourself. Ask for feedback. Find out what in your behavior repels and what attracts. Express an unbiased attitude towards people and take the same attitude towards yourself.
7. Talk about everything
Share suffering, pain, doubts, anxieties, failures with the group members. Ask them for support until you understand yourself completely and understand that you are ready to change. But do not forget about the joys and successes. Talk about love and hate. Talk about whatever you want to say. And it doesn’t matter what others think of you.
8. Consider every choice
Discuss all life-changing decisions with the group before making them, including thoughts about leaving group therapy. Ask participants to help identify the problem, understand your motivations, suggest options, and evaluate how they might work. What are you trying to fix and how? In this way, your true needs and intentions will be revealed. You will understand how your own choices affect your life.
9. Trust the process
When people share what is hidden inside, they fall into a kind of beneficial “stream”. Their personal experiences take on human features, others see their reflection in them, and soon there is mutual trust. But don’t wait for this current to take you where you want to go.
What you share should change over time to a new quality. You will have to open up on your own, correct the erroneous idea about yourself and divulge some secrets in order to become yourself.
10. Build relationships with the outside world
The starting point for working through in a group is indeed external problems. But remember that it is through the thoughts, feelings, and judgments that come up within the group and during the group meeting that you learn to overcome them. It’s called being here and now.
Ask yourself what you can or cannot put up with, who you are comparing yourself to and who you are copying. At first, you will think and act impulsively, because taming yourself is not easy. But relations with the outside world are for life, and gradually you will return its location.
11. Listen to the sensations
The goal of group therapy is to uncover subconscious problems so that participants learn to recognize them and stop doing the same old thing to themselves and others. Most likely, some of the habitual ways of behavior will appear immediately, and sometimes it is very unpleasant to see yourself from the outside. But you came here to get out of the vicious circle.
Listen to your reactions. Remember the Seven Minute Rule: If the emotions are very intense and last longer than seven minutes, it is most likely a transference. That is, a state in which feelings, once caused by one person, are transferred to another. Such outbursts are exhausting. But remind yourself that this is how you learn to recognize the subconscious patterns you bring into the relationship.
During several months of therapy, you have the opportunity to form a corrective emotional experience in the group and put it into practice.
12. Remember: This is your group.
Don’t wait for the participants or the therapist to guess what you need. Something dissatisfied – say. If you want to insert a word or interrupt someone, give a vote. If the band isn’t as lively as you’d like, say so. If you want more, be real. If you don’t trust someone, admit it right away. When something strange happens, let me know. If the therapist says something you don’t like, object.
This is your group, no matter how long you’ve been in it.