Contents
Life examples
Greed — does not give
This is how our story turned out … We approached the age when this very greed begins to manifest itself, I quietly hoped that we would pass this period calmly, as it is written in the diary of development, without paying attention, but it was not there … We visited forest with our beloved girlfriend, she is almost 4 years old, and, of course, all the time the girls tried to share toys, clothes and everything else. And if Vika did not give something, then the girl called her a greedy woman. Logically, of course. And so my child quickly learned this word and its meaning, and now when I try to ask her for something, she answers “No, greedy one” And, of course, does not give. Well, I can pick it up, but other children and people can’t. And when she says that, everyone naturally comments that it’s not good to be a greedy woman, and so on. And what to do with it??? How to get it out of the baby’s head now? She after all already specifically this word says and is greedy!
took someone else’s
We went with mothers and children from our yard to take a walk in the forest on the sand. Naturally, we took buckets, shovels, etc. with us. And then Mashenka began to have such whims, takes all the toys from other children, cries, demolishes them in one heap and sits like a greedy dwarf near them. When the children took away their little ones, such a roar began, just inconsolable grief, only Masha managed to calm down at the chest. That Masha’s mother’s toys seem to understand.
Solution
How to teach generosity
If you want your child to grow up not greedy, think about your relationship with him today. Often there is a situation when you have to share one apple among all family members equally. You might object, “How can I eat a fraction of what a growing body needs?” All right. You can give your child part of it and keep the rest out of sight. Later, when the baby has forgotten about the apple, you will share the rest and eat it together with pleasure. It is important that your child sees and understands that everyone wants to eat. If, from early childhood, he hears that you do not like apples, but you overate sweets in your distant childhood, do not expect that when your child grows up, he will begin to share with you. He firmly believed that you were telling the truth. “He has become an adult, it’s time for him to understand that he needs to share,” you say with bitterness and resentment. But, is it possible? For years, you’ve been convincing your child of one thing, and now you hope that he will share with you something that you never wanted? It is unlikely that this will happen. Each of us must be consistent in our desires and actions, only then can we hope for reciprocity.
Here is a man who is confident in his right to have something. He is given a thing valuable for life, but he suddenly discovers that someone has the right to take possession of it at any moment. Here he is given (!) for his birthday (!) a box of chocolates, which he had long dreamed of. But before he had time to rejoice, it turns out that the box, it turns out, was presented only to show everyone how kind he is, and in case of protest, brand him a greedy person. It quickly turns out that all gifts, especially edible ones, are intended for this very purpose — this is what parents want. I would look at my mother, who would be OBLIGED to demonstrate her kindness to all guests when she receives an expensive set of cosmetics or a Gzhel service as a gift. What would you do in her place? And what would you advise a child who is fatal in such a situation? That’s right: protect yourself from encroachment.
Greed is a compulsive but natural struggle for ownership when that right is taken away from you. The best way to make greedy is to force sharing. A person who fully owns will never refuse mercy: he is not afraid to lose the right to a decision. A free person gladly pleases other people. And if he decided not to share, this is his sacred right.
I gave my children the right to NOT SHARE ANYTHING. It is easy to guess that they are happy to share when they want and find a thrill in giving gifts. Everyone got better.
Note: as a matter of fact, it’s true. It is impossible to teach sharing if you deprive the child of the right to choose whether to share or not. And how is it necessary? Visually show child a bonus from the fact that you share with someone. Those. another person is pleased, he begins to treat you better and can give you something. In addition, mom is very good with generous people.
All toys are mother’s!
… A friend with a child came to you. Your child is in charge of «his» property. He took all the toys for himself (which is normal for this age) and is very careful that no one takes them. As a result, a friend is angry, her baby is upset, your child sincerely does not understand that he did something wrong.
And if all the toys belong to MOTHER and the child knows this, then for him the mother is the authority and he understands that the mother disposes of the toys competently. Then you say: “My toys, here I give you a bear, and a bunny, baby.” Mom decided everything. This is her property. Everyone is happy.
Or in the sandbox. Your child took other people’s toys (with permission), but categorically does not want to give his own. And the child whose toys he took really wants to play with your car. If these are the toys of a child, he may well not give, the other child is offended, takes away his toys. Your baby is upset by the breakdown of the contract. Basically everyone is crying. And if these are mother’s toys, and she sees that the interests of her child are taken into account (other people’s toys), then she may well give her property to play with someone else’s child.
So, the conclusion: we consider each specific situation, taking into account a combination of factors, based on the fact that all the toys belong to the mother everywhere, you act as a defender of the interests of your child (fair), and the baby learns to manage things by watching how you do it .
Toys begin to belong to the child only after he can already take care of them.
About greed
Often, passing by playing children, you can hear: “I won’t give it to you! It is mine!» The worried mother of the baby insistently demands: “Give the boy your car. Do not be greedy». A two-year-old baby, clutching her favorite toy to her chest, begins to cry offendedly, turning away from everyone present.
Most children aged 1,5-2,5 do not give away their toys voluntarily. And if they give, then only obeying parental authority, with obvious reluctance, resentment and crying. At this age, the child considers his things, including toys, as part of himself. During this period, it is important not to go too far. New situations that arise every day will help the baby figure out “give or refuse”. But only with your careful participation and patient explanation. The further ability of the child to share with his neighbor depends on how you explain what you put in each word. Where do you think «wee guys» and «mean» come from? Teaching a child the notorious «golden mean» is not easy, but possible.
For example: do you use cosmetics? You wouldn’t lend it to the first person you meet on the street. Why should your kid, under your pressure, share the most valuable thing for him with strangers in the sandbox?
The child also has the right to own their own toys. Give him more freedom. And he will be able to decide to whom to give his toy for temporary use, and to whom — to refuse.
little greedy
“My son is 1 year and 8 months old. From an early age, he not only does not give his toys to anyone, but also takes away toys from children. What I didn’t try — I persuaded, took away, but he raises such a cry … You know, at dinner he even takes away my plate of food, although his plate is in front of him. Tell me how to deal with greed.»
The young mother, apparently, is serious about raising her son. But in the letter there are almost all pedagogical mistakes that can happen … Let’s talk about them. See →
It is difficult for children to share, especially small ones. This is a normal part of the development process. Realizing and accepting this is the first step in helping a child become a generous person.
Selfishness comes before the ability to share. The desire to own is a natural reaction of a growing child. During the second and third years of life, the child moves away from understanding himself in unity with the mother and begins to become an individual, defining himself separately from the mother. «I myself!» and my!» — the main words of the baby. In fact, «Mine» is one of the easiest words for a child to pronounce. See →
Almost all parents face such a problem that their children under the age of 7 do not want to share their toys with other children. Not all parents know what to do in such cases and how to teach children to share with others. See →