Grandparents as a nanny

That’s it, it’s time to return to work. Only downside, you still do not have a place in a nursery and your budget does not allow you to take a nanny. The solution: call on Grandma.

In addition, “the grandmother or the grandfather is paid with the pleasure, often unacknowledged, that they have in return to be with their grandchild”. Grandparents bring them what they could not give to their own toddlers. “It’s like a catch-up period, an extension of education. And by leaving our children to our parents, we gratify them, ”explains the psychologist.

Stop jealousy towards Granny!

It is well known, some mothers feel jealousy vis-à-vis people who babysit their babies. A feeling sometimes exacerbated when it is the mother-in-law who takes care of the reception of the children. However, as Harry Ifergan points out, “the Granny-Baby relationship in no way precludes the primacy of love for the mother. Maternal love is obligatory, the rest is only more for the child. The little one will never do the Oedipus complex with his grandmother. Each love is specific, and from an early age, the child knows how to make a difference, ”reassures the psychologist. 

The first advantage of “grandparent” childcare: the price. Free, it defies all competition and allows parents to make big savings. Nevertheless, in the opinion of psychologist Harry Ifergan, it is better to compensate the granny in order to avoid any misunderstanding. You can also provide him with food, diapers …

A granny-nanny: reassuring for mom and baby

It is well known (and quite normal), it is not always easy for a mother to leave her child with a stranger. Having Baby looked after by his mother or mother-in-law is reassuring for the parents, but also for the child. This link allows the little ones to open up to the world while feeling safe.

Also note: grandparents are often more patient (than us, parents) with toddlers.

Granny, less modern than the nanny?

With the babysitter or the childminder, “there is less affect, things are more neutral, which sometimes has its advantages,” explains psychologist Harry Ifergan. “They will be stricter to get things. Because of the emotional, the granny will tend to give up on certain principles. “

In addition, classic nannies are also often younger. “They will have a more modern way of doing things with regard to the acquisition of cleanliness, the way of eating… The methods will be more like those of the parents. “

For their part, grandmothers believe they “know everything” since they have already raised children. “But if you choose to have your child looked after by the grandparents, you have to accept it. “

On the other hand, “the approved nanny, likely to receive an unexpected visit from social assistance, must be square, to have protections at the doors, for example. This will not necessarily be the case with the grandmother, ”explains psychologist Harry Ifergan. The nanny must also take the child out, while the grandmother will enjoy looking after her grandchild at home.

Granny-nanny: how to manage?

Grannies and grandpas, their grandchildren’s gagas, give in more often, it is true, to their whims, forgetting the principles decreed by parents. How to react ? According to Harry Ifergan, it is essential to lay down, from the start, common rules aend to avoid any conflict. Do not hesitate, as with a nanny, to broach the question of vacations. For the psychologist, “we must spare the grandmother without thwarting his own educational principles. “However,” lparents must also learn to close their eyes and be silent. “

Granny, master on board

“The role of parents is to get the child back on track. It is not for the grandparents to do it, ”emphasizes the psychologist. “They want to bring to their grandchildren what they could not give to their children”. Toddlers naturally know what they can ask parents or grandparents, “so there is nothing to worry about”, reassures the psychologist.

In addition, if your child is deprived of television and his grandparents come to look after him in your home, they will have to apply the rule. “On the other hand, if they keep it at home, they are free. They were not the ones who posed the punishment, ”explains Harry Ifergan. According to him, “as soon as we entrust our children to our parents, and they come back to us” intact “, the parents must give up wanting to control everything”. They are called upon in their capacity as grandparents. “The only thing parents have to watch out for is the health and safety aspect (medications to take, allergies, neighbors’ dogs, etc.)”. So remember to provide a small sheet indicating all the important information.

Granny-nanny, accomplice with Baby

The generation gap allows grannies to be more free with their grandchildren and to put up with what a mother would not accept.

The situation can get out of hand when step-mom puts herself forward (a little too much)

“It is important that the mother-in-law puts the mother first. By giving him this respectful place, there is no problem, ”explains psychologist Harry Ifergan. Sometimes the mother-in-law tends to throw spikes at the mom to make her jealous. We will hear: “With me, he slept well, he ate well”, while she knows madly that with him, it is the opposite. “The child becomes an object to reach the mother, but you have to know how to thwart your plans by showing that you are not reached. In such a situation, the place of the father is very important. “It’s up to him to put things down with his mother, to induct his wife as the holder of” powers “over the child,” explains the psychologist.

Finally, know that through the discussions, the children can feel the animosity between the different parties and play with it.

When step-mom appropriates Baby

“It’s my little one”, “it’s my baby”… Some grandmothers, especially when they are young, appropriate their grandson or their granddaughter, and even more when they keep him. According to Harry Ifergan, this behavior reveals a lack of interest in their life. “They continue to mother and are in denial of being a grandmother. It can express a fear of aging. Women who are widowed or abandoned by their husbands often do so. The grandchild being all they have left. “

When the past resurfaces

When relations between grandparents and parents have been conflicting, choosing Grandma to babysit Baby can rekindle certain resentments. Suddenly, the grandchild represents a third party coming into this relationship. The accounts of each other continue to be settled through his education. “It is therefore essential to have a distance vis-à-vis the situation to see things wisely, or to change the type of childcare”, explains Harry Ifergan.

Grannies-nannies from here and elsewhere

The Mediterranean people have the family spirit. According to a study by the School of European Grandparents (EGPE), in Greece and Spain for example, parents and grandparents live close to each other. This allows older children to take care of toddlers.

In China, grandparents also very often take care of their grandchildren. Just like in the United States or England, where toddlers are only taken care of by the state from the age of 5. They are then regularly looked after by relatives and grandparents, especially in families who cannot afford a nanny.

Hire a granny-nanny

You do not have the possibility of having your children looked after by your (in-laws), but would like to offer them this privilege? Note that several sites connect seniors and individuals for multiple services, such as childcare.

Among them, www.senioravotreservice.com or even www.mamienounou.fr. At your clicks! 

“With us, the nanny is grandma”

“When registering for a crèche at 7 months of pregnancy, the town hall announced a large waiting list and advised us to look for another type of childcare. With the father, we were disappointed because the nursery seemed to us the ideal solution. The principle of the maternal assistant did not suit us at all.

My mother-in-law not working, we asked her if she would agree to temporarily take care of the little one, she who had already looked after children in the past. She was delighted and answered yes immediately.

At the beginning, I admit having been a little fearful, because of a jealous temperament, I said to myself that she would take advantage of my son more than me. Finally, I did not feel jealousy. I think we both have our place for Noah. I was also afraid of not being able to make remarks to her (not easy to tell her mother-in-law, who had 3 children, to do this or that way …) or that she would impose her way on me . In fact, she gives me advice because Noah is our first child, without ever imposing himself.

It’s been seven months now that Noah has been with his granny, 4 days a week, and everything is going very well. But one thing is certain, for this to work, it is essential to establish a few rules at the start. “

Granny-nanny, an advantageous childcare arrangement

“In order to keep healthy relationships, we pay my mother-in-law (of course very far from the cost of a childminder) and we provide everything (diapers, wipes, water, food…). Moreover, since she takes care of my son, we have grown closer.

Regarding Noah, with his grandparents, he is at home and receives a lot of love. During the day, I am completely confident. And even if he is ill, I know he will be pampered, unlike the nursery where he would have been refused. So I don’t have to take time off from work.

The only thing that bothers me is that Noah is alone at my stepmother’s house and I would like him to be in contact with other children. He is 11 months old and it seems to me the ideal age to discover community life. This is why we are still on the waiting list for the nursery. “

Christelle

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