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A walk in a limousine, an expensive restaurant, a luxurious evening dress – these are the indispensable attributes of the prom, according to most parents. However, modern schoolchildren are less and less willing to participate in this “vanity fair”. And there are several reasons for that.
Last year, Andrei Makarevich’s refusal to pay for the graduation of his daughter Anya, who graduated from a private school, made a lot of noise. “Money is inhuman – how would you describe it softer? In general, this is not a hundred thousand rubles. And not two hundred. From a student. For graduation party. It may be enough for a large pool of expensive champagne, ”the musician wrote on the social network and added that he and his family decided to transfer the funds to charity:“ It is better to start adult life with a good deed. And we will learn how to overspend money somehow later. ” Some users immediately accused the celebrity of greed and self-promotion. However, several of Ani’s classmates supported this undertaking.
Graduation as a competition of parents
Traditionally, in May-June, the media calculate how much it will cost an average family to graduate. Everything is entered in the expense column – from dresses and hairstyles to fireworks. Parents sigh over unreasonable spending, some are openly indignant. But the majority draw conclusions like “nothing can be done”, “we are no worse than others” and “we will get out”. It does not occur to the older generation that it is possible to start an adult life without any tinsel.
“Preparing for graduation becomes a competition, by participating in which you can demonstrate your wealth – material and parental,” says sociopsychologist Irina Palilova. Of course, adults act out of good intentions: “let this evening be remembered”, “this happens once in a lifetime”, “in our time it was not possible to do something special”.
Graduation for parents is an opportunity to compensate for their complexes, a kind of show-off competition
They organize a holiday based on their ideas of what is good and bad. But, unfortunately, often these ideas are stuck in the 1990s. “Graduation for parents is an opportunity to compensate for their complexes, a kind of show-off competition,” psychologist Tatyana Vashchenkova agrees. “But today’s teenagers don’t play by those rules. They have different values. They are wiser, kinder and less attached to material things. They feel thinner and point the adult world to the places where it began to rot. Of course, they are not yet mature individuals and do not know how to beautifully defend their position. Sometimes it turns into a riot. But the worst thing you can do is not listen, try to impose your decision. The harder you squeeze the spring, the harder it hits.
Rejection of paraphernalia delays growing up
In fact, even before, there was almost always a rebel in the class who came to the holiday in jeans, demonstrating with all his appearance that he was above this fuss. It just might become a trend in the near future. Children forego the ball in favor of a charity or an informal event, to which it is not shameful to come in ordinary clothes and be yourself.
“A luxurious prom is a common tradition, and adolescence, as you know, is most prone to nonconformism,” explains Daria Travinskaya, founder and head of the Fifth Season Psychological Center. – In addition, it may be an internal, unconscious protest to growing up. A dress and curls for a girl, a formal suit for a young man are symbols of the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood.
The rejection of this paraphernalia seems to prevent the process from starting and delays maturation. Wearing jeans and a T-shirt to prom, a teenager prioritizes the event itself, when he can be among his classmates for the last time, when he is still a child and says goodbye to school. In fact, he chooses emotions, experiences of this evening that will remain forever, instead of feigned luxury and competition, whose curls are larger and the dress is more expensive.
First Person
Elena Turinskaya, 21 years old
“Four years ago, when I was finishing school, it was customary to celebrate graduation in a big way. Classmates in the fall began to choose a restaurant. But three people refused the celebration for financial reasons. Other parents offered to chip in for them. It turned out to be an awkward situation. And one mother offered to transfer money to a fund to help those in need. Who can. Unexpectedly, many supported her. As a result, we had a modest celebration in a cafe with tea and cake.
To be honest, I was upset then. Mom and I have already bought a dress. But now I understand that it was a truly adult act that you can be proud of. I read that schoolchildren are increasingly abandoning the celebration in favor of charity. In one of the Serbian schools, for example, instead of suits and dresses, the children put on jeans and T-shirts with the inscription “Your five minutes of glitter is someone’s whole life.” And the students of two Moscow schools collected money for the treatment of classmates.
They have grown up
On the other hand, for some children graduation has lost an important ritual component. Before, a holiday was an initiation: the first evening dress or suit, the first trip to a restaurant, the first haircut in the salon, the first pair of high-heeled shoes. And parents for the first time let go for a walk all night. But times have changed: by the age of 16-17, many children manage to travel half the globe with their parents, dine a hundred times in restaurants, attend concerts of stars and, perhaps, even social events.
These teenagers will not be surprised by any fashionable DJs or light shows. But this does not mean that it is impossible to make the holiday memorable. “We immediately decided: we will do without a banquet and limousines,” says freshman Anastasia Vasilchikova. “Instead, they asked their parents to organize a quest. Under it, they rented a country estate and ordered real actors, so, unfortunately, it did not work out to save money. But the memories are for life. None of my friends had such a great prom.”