Gotta go to the doctor

Escape from reality

Not wanting to take your illness into account is one way of escaping reality. French psychoanalyst Patric Delaroche explains that often this flight is associated with “a tendency to present one’s illness as more serious than it really is.” It would seem that there is nothing easier: to look at the doctor and take off the burden from the soul, instead of being tormented by doubts and fear of the unknown! But the fact is that your fears are easier to control than the anxiety that a professional verdict can cause. Whatever the diagnosis, you have to come to terms with it. On the contrary, if you do not know anything about him, then at least there will be a chance to somehow “come to terms” with your illness.

Revolt against the father

Maxim, 30 years old, teacher:

“When I was nine years old, my mother was diagnosed with liver cancer. Before that, she seemed completely healthy, but after a medical “verdict” she began to melt right before our eyes and died four months later. I think I always resented her for hiding her pain and suffering until it was too late. Undoubtedly, this explains my suspiciousness and anxiety in relation to disease and medicine – at first glance it may seem like hypochondria. I rarely get sick, but at the slightest headache I think: “Okay, I have brain cancer!” I worry myself, disturb others, but, unlike real hypochondriacs, I never go to the doctor. I cannot shake the feeling that a medical diagnosis will bring me to the grave just like my mother. “

A physician with the power to “save” or “condemn” may be perceived by some as the embodiment of a formidable, authoritarian father. Such a patient will constantly seek to overthrow his “power” in spite of medical knowledge.

Back to childhood

When was the last time I visited a gynecologist? About three years ago, no less, when my period stopped. ” 36-year-old Anna’s cycle has not recovered since then, but she does not want to see a doctor. “I’m afraid of what he might tell me,” she admits.

Delaying the trip to the doctor, Anna persuades herself that her cycle is about to recover. As if you can be healed only by the power of your own conviction … This delusion is one of the manifestations of what psychoanalysis calls “magical thought.” Some adults, like little ones, attribute supernatural power to their thoughts: it seems that it is worthwhile to think intensively about something, and it will happen. In Totem and Taboo, Freud explains that such a phenomenon means a return to the child’s unconscious idea of ​​his omnipotence. Indeed, who, if not a small child, believes that everything around him is subject to him?

Self-punishment

Alexander is 43 years old, for almost ten years he has been suffering from stomach problems. To listen to him, there is no person in the world who is better able to figure out what he is sick with, and who knows how to cope with it. Alexander chose self-medication: for him there is no question of following the prescriptions of a doctor, even if it is a respected medical luminary.

How is Alexander justified? The fact that “this is how fate decreed, and there is nothing to be done now, we must somehow adapt to the disease.” He generally perceives his problems as “God’s punishment” for his own “sins”. This behavior can be explained by too strict upbringing or mental trauma that was once in his life. He could not cope with it then and now, through his illness, he is reliving that experience again and again. In any case, a person turns out to be dependent on his feelings of guilt and seems to say: “I get what I deserve.”

Attract attention

Finally, refusing treatment can simply be beneficial: for some people, for example, staying sick means feeling like you exist. Yes, yes, almost according to Descartes: I suffer, so I exist. After all, the suffering body is the body that you feel. In addition, this is the body to which others (others) take a special interest: when we are sick, we are taken care of, we are looked after … fall “into childhood and again surround yourself with tenderness and maternal affection.

Tips for an outsider

Do not expect that the person who stubbornly rejects any medical help will be convinced by simple tips and tricks. Moreover, if you insist on the need to see a doctor, this will provoke his fears and strong opposition. Therefore, your task is to help him treat the visit to the doctor as something completely mundane, and not emergency. You can, for example, ask him to accompany you when you go to the doctor yourself. Perhaps he will have an idea to seize the opportunity and check his health. Over time, these family visits to the doctor should become a habit.

What to do?

• Choose the right doctor.

The reluctance to receive treatment is often associated with distrust of doctors. The problem can be solved by taking the time and searching, listening to the advice of friends and family. The specialization of a doctor is not so important, the main thing is the ability to establish a relationship of trust with him. Such a doctor himself will refer you to other specialists that you need and will inspire confidence.

• Checked regularly.

The less often we go to the doctor, the more we are afraid of these meetings and stop walking altogether. To get out of this vicious circle, make an approximate schedule of visits to specialists: make your relationship with medicine more mundane.

• Change your relationships with other people.

A person cherishes his illness so that he is pitied, cared for … But the result may be the opposite: who likes to listen to the endless complaints of the patient – real or imaginary. To get out of this negative system of relationships, you can, for example, do charity work. Objective: to change your attitude to suffering, to “shift the arrows” – from your difficulties to the problems of other people, to turn your susceptibility to pain into a positive force that opens us to other people.