Bad manners can destroy the highest feelings.
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Good manners, along with respect for other people, is an indispensable part of good breeding.
As for good manners, the specific list of them varies in different cultures, and therefore good manners are sometimes defined as the ability and habit to follow the rules of behavior adopted in the reference group.
Good manners can be cultivated in this way.
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If you take as a model the manner of the English queen, it is not obvious that in the East you will make the same impression. You may be considered a not very well-mannered person if you do not burp during meals (this is accepted in the East as a sign of food satisfaction) and pour a full cup of tea for guests, while in the East well-mannered people pour a little tea for dear guests to show their willingness to court them again…
However, a homeless person among other other homeless people will never be recognized as a well-mannered person precisely because homeless people do not recognize the rules of conduct, good manners and good manners in principle↑.
At the same time, often, taking care of cultivating good manners, we get stiffness, fear that we and our behavior will be assessed negatively. In this case, do not be confused — attentiveness to one’s own behavior and the needs of others is one thing, and the tendency to be afraid and dependence on the assessments of others is another. If this problem concerns you, then you now have two tasks: to deal with your manners, and to learn confident behavior, to remove dependence on the assessments of others. Can you handle it?
The aristocrats at the same time brought up both good manners and independence from the assessments of others.
A story from the book by Yu.B. Gippenreiter “We continue to communicate with the child. So?»
Guests with children came to the family. They sat down at a beautifully laid table: several adults and five or six children aged three to twelve. Adults strictly monitor that their children behave «decently», quiet children try to be «on top». Near a three-year-old girl, her doll is lying on the table — a plastic pebble.
Suddenly, the owner of the house, with a mischievous look, grabs the doll and sends it to a jar of lecho. The chrysalis funny sticks out inside the jar, half drowning in tomato sauce with pieces of pepper. Everyone freezes in surprise, then bursts into laughter. The chrysalis is pulled out of the jar by common efforts, wiped with a paper towel … Gradually, everyone calms down. And then — a sharp movement of the same adult «prankster», and the chrysalis is again in the lecho. All repeats; general noise, exhortations of adults, delight of children. Everything is back to normal again.
The wife of the culprit looks suspiciously at him, while the children do not take their eyes off him with an expression of admiration and ardent hope. The «Pamperer» takes on a sad and obedient look, however, glancing askance at the children. In the end, the doll is sent to the jar for the third time to the laughter of children until colic in the stomach (“We knew it!”), And then a couple more times — already by the hands of the children. Finally, the general decision: “Well, now that’s enough, we’ve already laughed and played enough!” They washed their smeared hands, the doll was also washed under the tap. More serious and calmer conversations began.
How the doll behaved — let’s leave it to the imagination of the readers. And when they began to get ready to go home, the three-year-old guest prayed: “Mom, let’s stay here!”. Other articles Yu.B. Gippenreiter