Women are known to be macho. But when it comes to family, physical attractiveness and partner status fade into the background. What does science say about this?
Tying up a fleeting romance, women are guided primarily by the physical attractiveness of a man. But when it comes to long-term relationships, the kindness and responsiveness of a partner is more important for them than his attractiveness and status.
Do you think a nice (or nice, nice) guy is a compliment? Or is it such a polite formula, behind which lies the offensive “nothing special”?
Actually, women usually say that they would love to date nice guys. But for some reason, in films, books and commercials, we see different plots: there, it is by no means “good” and “cute” who are successful with women, but, on the contrary, decisive and self-confident (as they say, cool) – and often not at all “good” ” – men. Films, books and advertisements do not lie – they adequately reflect the opinion that has taken root in society: women will always prefer macho men to the sweetest and most glorious men.
But is this the case in real life?
For the night or forever?
The “good guy phenomenon” has long been of interest to Western researchers who have accumulated interesting data on this subject. Let’s clarify that a good guy in this case means one who is characterized by kindness, responsibility, non-conflict, the ability to sympathize, caring for other people.
American psychologists Geoffrey Urbaniak and Peter Killman conducted such an experiment. They created three fictitious profiles of young people on a dating site, designating them as “nice guy”, “neutral guy” and “tough guy”. In each profile, discussions were given on the topic of who a “real man” is. The Nice Guy “described” him as kind, considerate, aware of his feelings, “non-macho”, for whom the pleasure of his partner comes first, and not his own.
“Neutral” – as a person who knows what he wants and knows how to achieve it, someone who treats his beloved woman well. Finally, according to the tough guy, a real man knows what he wants, knows how to achieve it, keeps everyone in his fist and does not like veal tenderness. Then 200 female students – participants in the experiment were asked to evaluate all three profiles and choose the one with whom they would go on a date.
The results surprised the researchers themselves: “Nice” guy was chosen twice as often as “neutral”, and 8 times more often than “cool”. Moreover, these preferences did not depend on the external attractiveness of young people.
According to the girls, the “nice” guy was more promising as a potential fiancé, permanent boyfriend or platonic friend. But not very suitable as a partner for a fleeting relationship.
American psychologists Norman Lee and Douglas Kenrick came to similar conclusions: when starting a fleeting romance, women proceed primarily from the attractiveness of their partner. But when it comes to long-term relationships, the kindness and responsiveness of a partner is more important for them than his attractiveness and status.
Being good isn’t everything…
Scientists’ findings are good news for good men. However, women have even more chances of success if, in addition to kindness, friendliness and altruism, they have dominance! In this case, they appear to women more attractive both physically and sexually. But dominance alone does not in the least increase the attractiveness of a man in the eyes of women, as studies by American psychologists Laura Jensen-Campbell, William Graziano and Stephen West have shown.
Urbaniak and Killman note that women do expect some extra perks from being a “nice guy”. For example, ideally, he should be able to share hobbies and interests with them. Or to be a bright personality, able to captivate a partner into the world of his interests. Because, as Urbannac and Killman ironically point out, no good guy is going to be attractive if he turns out to be boring along the way.