Good breeding

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Polenness in everyday life usually understands good manners, the ability to adequately behave in society and respect for other people.

As for good manners, the specific list of them varies in different cultures, and therefore good manners are sometimes defined as the ability and habit to follow the rules of behavior adopted in the reference group.

If you take as a model the manner of the English queen, it is not obvious that in the East you will make the same impression. You may be considered a not very well-mannered person if you do not burp during meals (this is accepted in the East as a sign of food satisfaction) and pour a full cup of tea for guests, while in the East well-mannered people pour a little tea for dear guests to show their willingness to court them again…

However, one drunken homeless person among other drunken homeless people will never be recognized as a well-mannered person precisely because such homeless people do not recognize the rules of conduct, good manners and good manners in principle.

It can be said that good breeding is respect for other people inserted into a person. If you were properly taught how to behave, taught good manners, and you learned it properly, you are a well-mannered person. If you have not been brought up or you have not absorbed this upbringing, you are not fully brought up. However, if a person is engaged in self-education, then the results are sometimes no worse.

Like any skill, upbringing can be deeply assimilated, becoming a personality trait — and superficial, easily flying off in problem situations, or falling off a person over time, if control from the outside has disappeared.

Elementary upbringing distinguishes a person who is at least somehow educated from an uneducated person at all. If the child does not scream a little, like a cut one, and does not drag food from someone else’s plate, he has already received an elementary education. Elementary education speaks of WHAT to do, but to a small extent it speaks of HOW, it does not speak of style. Real, or high upbringing is more about HOW, it is style, it is the beauty of movements and the charm of intonations. High upbringing is not only formal and thoughtless behavior, but also an understanding of the meaning of this behavior, an internal commitment to good breeding↑.

Children have to instill good manners, because at first glance, good manners are unprofitable: a well-bred person has to limit himself in many ways, and in a collision with an ill-bred person, a well-bred person almost always loses: he cannot afford what a person who is free from good manners can easily afford. The earlier a child began to be taught good manners, the more likely it will be in his blood, however, instilling good manners against the background of the child’s initial internal protest gives very controversial results.

Good manners in a person (or bad manners) for an attentive eye is visible from afar and is an important marker for people with developed self-esteem. Education is like caste. Educated people form a kind of circle, where not everyone is admitted, but only the chosen ones, like themselves — educated people. A well-mannered person will not express unnecessarily disrespect for an ill-mannered person, but will never make friends with him or have serious business with him.

Good manners, as a set of rules for human coexistence, in many cases quite successfully replaces empathy and recommendations from psychologists. An educated person is positive, does not use conflictogens, shows syntonicity, behaves with restraint and dignity in a conflict, not because he is familiar with the recommendations of psychologists, but simply because he is brought up that way. In many cases, practical psychology is needed only insofar as a person did not receive proper education in his time.

Unfortunately, the facts show that in Russia education is lower than in other countries. It is to Russian tourists that most of all complaints about their behavior in the US, and the creator of the anonymous social network Secret, David Bittov, stated with chagrin that «In no other country in the world do people publish such an amount of indecent content.» People with a Russian mentality have to be specially explained that anonymity is needed not only to talk about dirty sex and other people’s relationships.

Real upbringing is manifested at home, in your family, in relationships with relatives.

Opinion of Dmitry Sergeevich Likhachev, literary critic and cultural historian, academician of the Academy of Sciences of the USSR

If a man on the street lets an unfamiliar woman go forward, opens the door for her, and does not help his wife wash the dishes at home, he is an ill-mannered person. If he is polite with his acquaintances, and gets irritated with his relatives because of any trifle, he is an ill-mannered person. If he does not take into account the habits, desires, preferences of his loved ones, he is an ill-mannered person. And if he likes to joke with his wife and children, sometimes even humiliating them, especially in front of strangers, this man is simply stupid. At the heart of all good manners is care — care that a person does not interfere with a person, so that everyone together would feel good. We must not memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing — the need for a respectful attitude towards others.