Give thanks to get stronger

As children, we learned to thank the saleswoman in the bakery when she gave us candy. The passer-by who returned the ball to us. Thank you for this, thank you for that — all educated people say this without thinking.

However, genuine gratitude is worth much more effort. First of all, because it puts us in a weak position in relation to the other. We recognize that we needed another person, depended on him, which means we also recognize that we are not self-sufficient and may feel indebted to him.

But we need gratitude for emotional balance. Having expressed gratitude to another, we will experience satisfaction and joy for a long time to come.

Philosopher Martin Buber called this the I-Thou meeting. By expressing gratitude, we leave ourselves and jump into the unknown of the meeting, overcoming our own limits. This openness teaches us something we didn’t know about ourselves because we weren’t open enough to meet ourselves.

“In order to move towards the other, one must know the starting point well. You need to know yourself and be with yourself,” wrote Martin Buber. Gratitude is a movement outward from oneself, towards the other, which ennobles and elevates us.

Three of our readers shared their stories of gratitude.

“I am grateful to the man I broke up with”

Dina, 27 years old, journalist

One day a man came into my life. Without demand and permission, he appeared and decided: «I should be here.» And then, when I got used to him, he also left without warning, without saying goodbye.

I was left alone, alone with an endless list of questions: “Why?”, “What did I do wrong?”, “What to do next?”. Over time, the questions grew into accusations: of himself, him and everyone around. The resentment inside grew and grew stronger, and I weakened. A gloomy, offended and embittered person looked at me from the mirror. At some point, I said to myself: “Enough! It’s time to let go.»

It’s easy to say, but nobody knows exactly how to do it. I thought: letting go means forgiving and remembering only the good. They say time heals, but I didn’t want to wait. I decided to immediately write down the points for which I could thank this man.

The first «thank you» I brought out literally with a creak — stylus on glossy paper. With the second it was easier, with the third it was even easier, and then good memories returned one after another, just keep writing. By the end of the list, the months of pain were gone. I was myself again. And the one I loved stopped being an offender and became a best friend.

I wanted to share these words with him. Not for his sake, but for myself, so that later I would not regret the important words that I did not say to the person who made me happy, albeit for a while. I didn’t expect an answer. Thanking him, I allowed myself to move on, glad that this story was in my life.

“It’s a pity that I can no longer say “thank you” to my grandfather

Nikolai, 32 years old, operator, artist

Grandfather never said: leave me alone, you’re bothering me! I always hung around him, it was so interesting to see what he was doing. So that I wouldn’t bother him too much, he gave me some kind of piece of wood: here’s a drill for you, a drill, drills!

Grandfather, with his vast life experience, seemed to be able to do everything. During the war, he was deputy chief technical officer (deputy for technical affairs. — ed.) of the division, repairing wrecked tanks in the field. And after the war he became an architect. He approached any work, whether it was a large repair or a minor repair, as if it were a project. First he made a drawing, then he embodied it.

He invented a lot of unusual things, designed furniture. He made fantastic things from ordinary paper. I somehow say to him: “Grandfather, I want a tractor!” He sits for half a day (I don’t know how he came up with these patterns) — and the result is a tractor! Magic!

I was 8 years old when my grandfather passed away. But he influenced me a lot. First of all, by instilling a love for physical labor, he showed that a person must be «both a creator and a reaper.» It gives me a sense of integrity, and just male confidence. I do not depend on the mercy of electricians, plumbers and other strangers. I, like my grandfather, like this autonomy.

I live in my grandfather’s apartment, where a lot was made by his hands, and I try to preserve its spirit, I made some of the furniture myself. It’s so nice to see the fruits of your labors. And in creativity, my skills help me. In general, my head and hands are in agreement, it’s a pity that I can no longer say “thank you” to my grandfather for this.

“I thanked my school teacher”

Evdokia, 21, student

Recently, my school teacher Lev Iosifovich Sobolev had an anniversary, and his graduates wrote all sorts of messages to him. I wrote that if it were not for him, I would not be in the world, because my parents met when he was studying: he was their tutor. This is one. And the second is that my fate, such as it is now, has developed thanks to him.

He taught us to think, and this is probably the most important thing. He invited well-known philologists to our classes and used to start a discussion with the speaker right during the lecture. And he offered us to argue: not only with classmates, but also with himself. He treated us with respect, did not condemn, we learned to express our thoughts, not being afraid to say something stupid. And he freed me, liberated our theater.

Lev Iosifovich staged real performances with us: with reading, with a competition for the role, with costumes, makeup, light. The opportunity to visit different images helped me understand how life works, why we act this way and not otherwise.

Finally, thanks to my teacher, I chose a profession. My parents are philologists, and out of a spirit of contradiction, I said that I would never become a philologist. And when in the 11th grade we began to study the literature of the twentieth century and Lev Iosifovich showed us how the work works, what meanings it carries, my heart sank with admiration. And I realized that this is mine, I want to do it.

My letter was short, but I said the main thing: «Thank you for making me happy.»