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How to learn to talk about yourself and your achievements, without dying of embarrassment and without feeling arrogant, boastful and stupid, without being afraid to hear in your face or behind your back: “Wow, so imagine yourself!” Several solutions.
Humility can be innate and learned – if you grew up in a family and, more broadly, a culture in which it is not customary to talk about yourself in a positive way. Praising oneself, talking about one’s achievements is considered bad manners, for example, in Chinese culture or in the Christian religion. The researchers also noticed that women feel less self-confident than men when talking about their achievements – most men with the vehemence of football fans wave the “I’m amazing and amazing” flag, while women prefer mostly the role of a humble listener. Most likely, this is also related to upbringing – girls, unlike boys, are encouraged from an early age to be obedient, compliant and modest.
Pass the tests
- Do you easily feel like a victim?
As a result, as adults, we find that even saying a couple of phrases about ourselves to new people is painful – we, blushing, mutter something under the sympathetic looks of others, falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of modesty, and at the bottom – a strange silence that drowns out everything we wanted to say keeps us from socializing and making friends.
A few rules to help you in situations where you need to talk about yourself.
1. Talking about yourself is not being immodest.
There is a huge difference between saying “I’m the best skydriver in the world” or “I love skydriving”. Those of us who have been taught from childhood to “be humble” may confuse the two. Let’s say someone asks you what you would like to do. Your cherished dream is to make a living writing, but for fear that it will sound like boasting – “me and JK Rowling ?!” – you blush and awkwardly try to move the conversation to another topic, and then you feel that you have betrayed yourself by not telling the truth.
Read more:
- About false and true modesty
In Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Carl Jung writes: “The meaning of my existence is that life sent me a question. Or, on the contrary, I myself am a question that is addressed to the world, and I must convey my answer to the world, because otherwise the world will answer for me, and I will depend on this answer. Which means: each of us is an open question to which we will answer ourselves, or others will answer for us. By not saying anything about myself, I give the impression that my answer is also “nothing.” I give others the right to decide what they think of me instead of being an active part of the process myself.
So, when it comes to things you like, your dreams, talk about them calmly, as simple facts, like eye color or date of birth. Modesty has nothing to do with them.
Read more:
- “Being yourself is a fun activity”
2. Talking good about yourself is not bragging if it’s true.
Because of our society’s attitude of modesty, many prefer to gossip behind the backs of successful people who are not shy about talking about their successes, instead of sincerely congratulating them and rejoicing together.
But by refusing to be proud of our accomplishments, we cancel out our hard work, betray our dreams, and clip the wings of our own happiness.
Boasting is frowned upon in many cultures and is associated with unpleasant traits such as arrogance and self-importance. But if you’re really good at playing darts, or making delicious strawberry muffins, or writing good poetry, there’s no reason not to tell it like it is – it’s true. You deserve to enjoy the joy you get from doing something great. In addition, it can help you find like-minded people, start a good business together – what if someone from your environment is just looking for such a person in their team? How will he know about you if you don’t tell him?
This is also where “fact checking” comes into play. Are you looking good today? Are you better than others at memorizing foreign words? Are all dogs usually happy with you? If you are not exaggerating, then you are not boasting.
Read more:
- When is envy better than admiration?
3. Being proud of your achievements is the most natural thing in the world.
You did a great job, it was hard for you, but you did not give up and achieved success. Why shouldn’t you now show your own feelings and celebrate what you have achieved, supposedly out of modesty? Who but you has the right to decide how often you should praise yourself? Of course, if we talk at every step about how amazing we are, others will be annoyed by such arrogance. Besides, it is boring to listen to someone who constantly praises himself. But sharing your joy—saying you’re happy to finally finish an important project, pass a tough exam, “beat” a tough cheesecake recipe—is completely natural. If you are proud of what you have done, it is worth saying it out loud and expressing your joy.
See more at online editions of Rookie.