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It happens that a person cannot satisfy some important need or does not even understand what he wants. Gestalt therapy helps us to realize our desires. The psychotherapist Nifont Dolgopolov talks about this method.
Sometimes we need success, but fail, dream of mutual love and are rejected. When the responses of people or circumstances do not meet expectations, contrary to desires, we experience disappointment, irritation. And the needs remain unfulfilled.
The German psychotherapist, the founder of the Gestalt therapy method, Frederick Perls, argued that by exploring the sensations, emotions, thoughts that arise when in contact with the outside world, we are able to more accurately realize our needs and understand whether we have the opportunity to realize them. And decide how best to do it.
History of creation
The life story of the founder of Gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls, is a story of breaks in relationships with loved ones, wanderings, shocking and struggle with authorities. But besides, this is a story of finding your own way to assert yourself and your outlook on life. The result of this search was a method that helps a person to exist next to other people, without giving up their desires, intentions, goals.
Early in his psychotherapeutic career, in the 20s and 30s, Frederick Perls worked as a psychoanalyst. However, he soon realized that Sigmund Freud’s theory of sexuality, which was the basis of this method, did not provide answers to the questions that worried him most. Why, in certain cases, a person cannot satisfy the need that is the most important for him, and sometimes he cannot even realize it? How does he interact with the environment to get what he wants?
Contact, a true meeting is not always possible, but the realization of this is not a reason not to try to make them.
As a result, Perls developed a theory of needs and their satisfaction. By «gestalt» he meant «the process of unfolding human needs.»
The quintessence of Perls’ life, his searches and the created method can be considered his words: “I do my own, and you do yours. I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations. And you are not in this world to live up to my expectations. If we happen to find each other, that’s fine. If not, then there’s nothing you can do.» Contact, a true meeting is not always possible, but the realization of this is no reason not to try to make them.
Rely only on facts
When we accidentally touch a hot kettle, we withdraw our hand. Any interaction happens in the same way — not only with objects, but also with people: first we feel something (as in this example — pain), then emotions arise (fear, irritation), and then we do something (withdraw our hand ). And only then do thoughts about this appear («you have to be careful»).
But very often we are not aware of our own feelings or their causes. He did not wash the dishes — she was offended. This episode became a reason for a quarrel. And the woman does not even suspect that her need in this situation is not clean dishes, but the desire to be in the center of attention or control the actions of household members.
Often we do not realize what the true need is, or we cannot express feelings — we are prevented by our own prohibitions
Therapists consider it important that, when interacting with the world, everyone relies not on habitual thoughts and reasoning, but on real facts. Everything that we hear, see, and touch is called “primary phenomena” in Gestalt therapy, and the feelings and thoughts that arise in this case are called “secondary phenomena”. The more we understand them, the easier it is for us to interact.
Sergey, a 44-year-old successful businessman, has lived for several years with a sense of the meaninglessness of everything he does. Nothing pleases him. Work with the therapist began with a discussion of «primary phenomena»: family, business, earnings. Indeed, quite a prosperous life. Then they began to deal with emotions (secondary phenomena).
It turned out that everything that should have caused Sergei a sense of satisfaction, on the contrary, gave rise to dissatisfaction with himself. Unconsciously, it was associated with the image of the mother, who often repeated in childhood: “I live only for you …” And this “mother’s voice” constantly depreciated any achievement of Sergei. As a result of therapy, he managed to free himself from an unconscious sense of guilt for not dedicating his whole life to his mother. And gain the opportunity to be proud of your achievements and enjoy life.
What is a «complete gestalt»?
In Gestalt therapy, the situation when the need is not realized or the emotion is not expressed is called «incomplete gestalt», and vice versa, when the need is satisfied — «completed gestalt».
It would seem simple — satisfied the need, discharged the emotion, relieved tension. But very often we do not realize what the true need is, or we cannot express our feelings — we are hindered by our own prohibitions. The work of the therapist is to help us become aware of needs and feelings and how we fulfill them.
When the therapist’s point of view is added to one’s own point of view, a more complex, three-dimensional picture emerges.
Julia, a 35-year-old journalist, came to another meeting after returning from a business trip. She talked about how difficult the road was: the flight was delayed by five hours, the conditions at the airport were terrible. Julia said that she was afraid of not coping with the difficulties that haunt her. And this situation only confirmed her fears.
As she spoke, she gesticulated with her hands as if she were fighting back. After the therapist called her attention to this, she said with relief: “Yes, I don’t feel fear, but intense anger! I’m not just afraid of breaking down from troubles, but I’m angry that the situation is getting out of control. ” What happened? The classic «completion of the gestalt»: Julia not only realized that in addition to fear there is another feeling — aggression, but also realized the need behind it — to control the situation.
Attention to the here and now
The main work in a therapy session usually takes place in the so-called “here and now” mode. The attention of the therapist is focused on the process of interaction between the client and the therapist. After all, each of them has their own well-established (often inadequate) patterns of behavior, ways of responding to situations: someone will be offended by a remark that the other will not pay attention to, someone will find something funny from which the other will get bored.
Therapeutic session in this sense is no different from ordinary life. By observing what is going on in the relationship with the therapist, the client is given the opportunity to explore common, often ineffective ways of interacting with others. And learn to act more successfully, first in a relationship with a therapist, and then in real life situations.
Therapeutic work always remains first and foremost a meeting of two people, each with their own unique life experiences. As a rule, we see any situation only from our own point of view. When the point of view of another person, in this case the therapist, is added to this, a more complex, three-dimensional picture emerges. This leads to a new understanding of situations or the completion of sensory experiences.