What should be the family structure? It is not difficult to get lost in the diversity of opinions on this topic. On the one hand, parents with a conservative model, on the other, a modern society that speaks of equality, but accepts only the traditional roles of men and women. How important is gender equality in the family? And why is it so hard to achieve?
Many people think that gender equality is about radical feminists and men who are completely subject to the female will. Which, of course, is not true. This is not a battle where there are winners and losers — each participant in the relationship of the sexes receives his «win». But for this you need to figure out where the truth lies, and where — the fears and stereotypes imposed by society.
Women «need the most»?
The previous generation of women had many trials. First they fought for the right to education and work, and then they began to fight fatigue. After a hard day’s work, all the women of the country took over the second shift in the household, while the men at that time watched TV or read the newspaper.
The conservative model assumed the role of a defender for them, and the fact that the time was peaceful and there was no longer anyone to protect from was not important. But the woman did not dare to dissolve the marriage, because she was paid less at work, and society crushed her with her condemning look.
Today, women can earn big money, can be successful in society. For them, the traditional “but married” no longer justifies itself. Yes, they still want to go there, but only on one condition — it must be good there. And for this, they are ready to part with old beliefs and conservative roles in marriage. And men are not.
Man — who is he?
The modern role of men in the family is incomprehensible to them. Conservatives claim that being a support, a protector, a breadwinner is their main duty. Only they cannot say from what or from whom a woman needs to be protected. And with the function of the getter, everything is not so simple …
In today’s world, these roles are obsolete. What will men do if these functions are taken away from them? Because of the thought of this, their fear of losing power and being in the control of women comes out in the first place.
In addition, society puts forward a new trend — conscious fatherhood. Men can now take maternity leave. And many of them have a question: “My task was to conceive, should I do something else?”
In fact, the father should not run on maternity leave immediately after the birth of the child.
In the first two years of life, the first thing he needs is a mother. And then the father should be included in the process of upbringing — so that there is a separation from the mother and the baby develops as a person. But many men are afraid of the mere mention of maternity leave — they are not ready to even temporarily leave work in favor of the harmonious development of the child.
And above all because of society. It is outraged, discusses and condemns, thereby showing that a family with a father on maternity leave is wrong. Men cannot decide which function to take on — so that later they would not be painfully ashamed. Therefore, they choose the safest, in their opinion, traditional role.
But sometimes it’s not about society at all
The girl can see how the relationship of her parents is arranged, where the father provides for the family, gives gifts to the mother. And expect the same from the gentleman: “I don’t want to decide anything. I want to get married and get married.» And he may have already realized that he does not want to take on someone’s provision, that he needs a partner. And even if this couple can agree on starting a family, the issues surrounding the birth and upbringing of children will most likely lead them to divorce.
Is there a solution?
When entering into marriage, a couple can succumb to maximalism and randomly distribute household chores without going into details. And then, with each conflict, measure the number of completed cases, which will bring the relationship to a new level of misunderstanding. Therefore, it is necessary to approach the issue of equality in the family thoughtfully.
It is worth starting with the definition of the right to rest, pleasure, communication with friends, the opportunity to build a career. And then the question of how to divide the responsibilities will automatically arise. After all, if one partner drags work, home and children, then the rest received after all will not bring relief to him.
Multitasking, which has become another modern trend, has a harmful effect on our brain. In particular, it reduces our cognitive abilities and causes chronic fatigue that leads to depression.
So the equal distribution of rights and responsibilities in the family is the most correct decision that people can make before marriage. This will allow them to maintain mental and physical health. This means that each of the participants in the relationship will be able to realize their social and economic potential and simply become happy to the fullest.