“Gas” and “brake” of sexual desire: how do they work?

What happens in our brain and body as a whole in those moments when we want or, conversely, do not want sex?

In the part of the brain that regulates sexual sensations, there is a kind of gas and brake pedals: the system of sexual arousal and the system of sexual repression. The first triggers desire, and the second, for one reason or another, prevents it.

This dual control model helps each of us understand our own sexual behavior. It was developed by sexologists Eric Jansen and John Bancroft. And their colleague, Emily Nagoski, an expert in sex education, in her book How a Woman Wants, helps to understand this topic.

“Gas” and “brake”

The sexual arousal (SE) system is the gas pedal that responds to sexual stimuli. In fact, this is everything that we see, hear, feel and imagine on the topic of sex. Everything that our brain is accustomed to associate with arousal.

When we involuntarily press the gas, the brain sends a signal to the genitals: “Turn on!” And it makes us evaluate everything that surrounds us in terms of sexually provoking factors. At the same time, we do not feel that we have pressed the gas until we begin to experience sexual arousal.

The Sexual Inhibition (SI) system is a brake pedal that reacts to possible threats. That is, this is the “turn off” command that our brain launches in response to “dangerous” factors – they can be at least the fear of infection, even problems in relationships.

There are two types of brakes:

1. Foot. It works on the same principle as gas, that is, it reacts to external stimuli and sends a simple signal to the brain: “Turn off!” It is very similar to the brake pedal in a car when we see an obstacle on the road and brake at the last moment. Such a brake is activated when we feel real danger and are afraid of the consequences that sex can lead to.
2. Manual. This is a softer and weaker signal from the brain. It’s like, “No thanks, not now.” This brake is connected with our internal fears that are not related to safety, such as the fear of failure, when we suppress arousal or completely refuse sex, because we are afraid of not achieving orgasm.

   The handbrake helps us not get excited at the most inopportune moment, for example, at work or at a meeting with friends. Your partner hugs you, you experience a surge of tenderness, and then your grandmother enters the room. And you hit the brakes.

So it turns out that the gas is constantly looking for sexually stimulating factors, and the brake is constantly looking for signals that the brain will perceive as a reason for suppressing sexual desires.

System failure

If we often do not want sex, or, conversely, we feel a constant desire, then most likely we have some kind of malfunction in the system. This happens when the gas doesn’t get a strong enough stimulus. Or when too much stimulus comes on the brake.

People who suffer from a lack of sexual desire or an inability to experience an orgasm are sure that the root of the problem is arousal – in the weak operation of the gas pedal. But it’s not. Most often, the reason is precisely in the brake – it stops us when we are already excited or close to it, and does not allow us to go further.

How dual control works for men and women

The gas and brake pedals are very stable: their basic settings do not change dramatically during life. But they are all set up differently. That is why we have different sexual temperaments. It is worth noting that the sensitivity of these two mechanisms is closely related to the circumstances and our mood.

So, it is believed that men have a more sensitive gas, and women have a more active brake. But even here it all depends on the individual: some men can have rather weak gas and an overly active brake. And in some women, the processes of excitation work more strongly than the processes of inhibition.

This fact refutes the widespread opinion that “women are difficult to excite and easy to stop.” Or that “women are less attracted to sex than men.” The very mechanisms of the brain show that everything is very individual in this matter.

Can the performance of the system be improved?

Each of us can act on the gas and brake of our own desires – give the brain new stimuli and maximize our sexual potential. After all, the ability to be truly aroused does not depend on gender or even on the mechanisms of the brain, but on the context in which desire is formed.

Our brain is able to “attach” absolutely any stimulus to either arousal or suppression of sexual desire. Absolutely any smell, taste, picture – everything that our brain is accustomed to can play its role.

And although many aspects of the dual control system are given to us from birth (for example, our level of sensitivity), we can change them in interaction with others. Love, trust in relationships and the desire to try new things help here.

Source: Emily Nagoski’s The Way a Woman Wants. Master class on the science of sex.