Every parent faces the problem of children’s conflicts. Every mom and every dad is looking for their own strategy of behavior in case of quarrels between children. Someone is forced to live in the mode “and the eternal battle, we can only dream of peace” (this most often applies to parents with two or more children), and for some, such situations are a rare, but very unpleasant incident. One way or another, everyone has to look for ways to resolve children’s conflicts.
In this article, we will look at how we could help with this. a game.
But before proceeding directly to the playful ways of resolving children’s conflicts, let’s dwell on the style of behavior that an adult who observes a situation of a quarrel should adhere to.
Rule 1
It is not always necessary to intervene in quarrels between children. After all, as in any other activity, you can learn to resolve conflicts only by participating in them. Do not prevent children from having such a vital experience. However, there are situations when adult non-intervention can lead to serious problems for the physical or emotional well-being of children. So, if one of the quarrels is much younger or weaker than the other participant in the conflict, and at the same time they are very close to sorting things out with their fists, then you need to stop them and try to translate the quarrel back into a “speech” channel. The same applies to the situation of interaction between two guys, one of whom traditionally turns out to be defeated in a dispute and is forced to concede all the time. In this case, if you do not intervene during the dispute, then one of the children may develop timidity and lack of confidence in their abilities and even in their rights.
Rule 2
Intervening in children’s conflict, never immediately take the position of one of the guys, even if it seems obvious to you who is right and who is wrong here. After all, for a child who behaves incorrectly, it is not at all so simple. Therefore, he will perceive your imminent judgment as injustice and partiality, which means that he will not continue communication in which you act as an arbitrator. Try to objectively understand the causes of the conflict and its course, especially since adults usually see only a part of the “iceberg”, and this surface part does not always allow one to judge the true problems and contribution of children to the conflict.
Rule 3
When examining a specific situation of a quarrel, do not seek to act as the supreme judge, determining the right and wrong and choosing the measure of punishment. It is better not to make personal conflicts analogous to legal proceedings. Try to accustom children to the idea that, no matter who starts a quarrel, two are always responsible for the further development of events. Therefore, when intervening in the communication of children, try to show them how you can find a way out of a difficult situation that would suit both of them. Focus not on “who is to blame?”, but on “what to do?”. It often helps to direct the attention of quarreled and thirsting for revenge children in this direction. sense of humor. If you joke and show the situation in a funny light, you will immediately notice how, along with laughter, children gradually change their emotional state.
Rule 4
Helping children get out of conflict and free themselves from accumulated resentment and anger, make sure they don’t get personal. Speaking about what upset or angered them, they should describe exactly the actions and words of the partner, and not his physical or personal shortcomings. That is, it is permissible when a child complains that another has stepped on his foot or gu.e. answered, but try to avoid expressions like: “Yes, he is a bear!” or «He’s always so jumpy and gooey!»
Rule 5
If you are trying to help resolve a conflict between two of your own children, then make an effort so that the children do not get the feeling that one of them (who was not at fault or whose fault was less) you love more. Remember to explain out loud to your children that you love them both very much, no matter what they do, and therefore their quarrels upset you very much. Even when you consider it necessary to punish one of the guys, still remind him that this is unpleasant for you, you love him very much and hope that he will understand the benefits of punishment and correct himself. Also make sure that your only son or daughter has no doubts about the strength of family relationships if you are resolving a conflict between your child and his friend.
Conflict Resolution Games
- «Carpet of Peace». In the process of performing a game task, children get the opportunity to directly express their negative emotions, and to the addressee who caused them.
- «Vegetable names». Quarreled children will have the right to express their emotions with the help of intonations and even go a little further — call each other names.
- «First Person Narrative» The children should tell you what happened by speaking on behalf of the second participant in the argument and trying to imagine the situation from his point of view.
- «Super Angry Letter About a Super Outrageous Act.» In it, we will solve the problem of indignation that has arisen in the child’s soul, giving him the opportunity to describe his condition as a storm, and the unpleasant incident itself as a global nuisance.
- Tragicomedy without words. Let the children know that if they want to tell you about the quarrel, they will have to put on a play (or ballet) on this topic.