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The baby needs to be mothered
Psychologist Donald W. Winnicott has written extensively on the relationship between mother and baby. In his book “The child and his family”, he speaks of the primary maternal concern as being “ hypersensitivity, a kind of sweet madness essential to the infant “. He explains in particular the importance of the psychic and physical presence of the mother in order to meet and anticipate the needs of her little one. For Claude Didier Jean Jouveau, former president of the Leche League and author of books on breastfeeding,this relationship is essential for the child. “When the human baby is born, we know that its physical development is not complete. Anthropologists call it the “ex-utero fetus”. It is as if the human baby is born prematurely even though it is more or less full term. Compared with the young of some mammals, the baby of the man will develop during two years, during which he will acquire his autonomy, whereas a foal, for example, becomes independent a few hours after birth ”. Specialist Françoise Rosenblatt confirms that “mothers are very close to their infants from birth. It is important of course, the child receives love and he is pampered by his parents. But you have to keep in mind that this is a special time and mothers will have to part ways with their babies to allow them to have other experiences ”. At the place where Françoise Rosenblatt works, listeners receive nearly 400 calls per month, mainly from mothers. The vast majority of them ask very practical questions about first aid, their baby’s crying, the problems they encounter with their infant.
Very fusional mothers
During the first months of babies’ life, mothers are ultra-mothering. Professor DW Winnicott spoke of these “Good enough mothers”. He was referring to the mother’s need to be present for her baby. When her baby cries, she is there, when he is embarrassed or needs to be changed, she meets her expectations, and so does the feeding. As time goes by, a routine is put in place which reassures both mother and child. The psychologist has worked a lot on the importance of “holding”, the way of carrying the baby by his parent, and of “handing”, that of handling him for care, of caressing him, of chirping. “During the first six months of the baby’s life, it is normal for the mother to merge with her baby,” explains Françoise Rosenblatt. Specialists agree that it is a time necessary for the construction of the mother / child bond.
The pressure of modern life
“Parents today live with constant social pressure. Their babies are scrutinized from the first months by doctors, grandparents and friends ”describes Françoise Rosenblatt. Clearly, the social environment requires them to be “good” parents. “This requirement may explain the fact that mothers are refocusing more and more on their babies. They invest 200% in their role as mothers. The notion of family has changed a lot. New parents today do not necessarily ask for help, they are often far from their families, they are also very anxious, they feel more guilty in any case. And mothers mother their babies longer, ”says the head of Allo Parents Bébé.
The importance of separation
Françoise Rosenblatt recalls the essential role of the father, from the first months of the baby’s life. ” If the mother is breastfeeding, the father can take care of the care for example. It is necessary that there is a division of roles, the child must also be invested by the father. In these first months of fusion between mother and baby, the father is too often excluded, ”recalls the specialist. She believes that parents should keep in mind the idea “that their mission is to lead their child on the path of autonomy and independence.” Often, it is the type of childcare that plays the essential role of separator between mother and child ”.