Frustration: what to do about it and how to prevent it

Frustration (from Latin frustratio — deceit, failure) is a negative emotional state that occurs when a person has not satisfied a need. For example, when plans collapsed due to external factors or personal expectations from interaction with others did not come true.

At such moments, a person experiences a whole range of destructive emotions: irritation, anger, despair, anxiety, disappointment. This condition can worsen and over time change the behavior in general: apathy, anger or self-doubt will appear. Naturally, at the same time, motivation and efficiency in any field of activity will sharply decrease.

Causes

Any events that shake the main pillars in life lead to its development: a divorce, a sudden serious illness or a serious injury. No less dangerous are minor daily troubles that provoke the development of everyday frustration. The main reason for its occurrence is the inability to achieve a certain goal. In other words, these are situations in which desires do not coincide with possibilities.

Let me give you a classic example. As a child, Masha was taught that she needed to study well, because education is the key to a successful future. But neither a gold medal nor a red diploma helped her make a career. An excellent student with the attitude “I must be the best” sits in a boring, unpromising job and does not understand how to change the situation.

The girl is frustrated and thinks: “Was it worth studying well?” She looks at classmates, former losers, and now successful businessmen. He is disappointed in his own abilities and feels senselessness, which is only aggravated by other troubles. As a result, he scores on once great ambitions.

People prone to this condition lack the flexibility and ability to navigate changing conditions. They see the goal, outline a plan of action, but as soon as one or two obstacles appear, they are instantly blown away. There is a failure in the program and — hello, frustration, neuroses, stress!

Frustration Immunity Algorithm

Anyone who learns to set achievable goals for themselves and develops the habit of calmly responding to constantly changing events can cultivate emotional resilience. To do this, we help to master the algorithm of deep time management. It is divided into 2 parts: the first prevents frustration, the second helps to get out of it.

Let’s talk about preventive measures first.

1. SWOT personality analysis

This model will allow you to focus on strengths, minimize weaknesses, avoid threats and use all opportunities. SWOT identifies personality resources you probably don’t even know about and takes into account four characteristics:

• S — Strengths, strengths and resources. For example, you are a creative person, you know how to convince people, you think logically, you make the right conclusions, or you have information that others do not have.
• W — Weaknesses, weaknesses. For example: you are afraid to speak in front of an audience.
• O — Opportunities, opportunities. An art director position has opened up, you can organize a master class, you have great connections and you can make a joint advertisement.
• T — Threats, threats. A colleague who is not afraid of public speaking is applying for the same position, or a competitor has appeared in business who is taking active steps.

In order for the matrix to “play”, it must be filled out thoughtfully and honestly. By studying the four elements, you will find the optimal solution to succeed and seize the opportunity from under your nose. Also, lay down straws in case of a threat.

2. Forecasting

After the SWOT analysis, make 3 predictions:

1. Pessimistic based on the weakest W-sides and T-threats. Imagine the most uncomfortable scenario, consciously be prepared for a bad situation. Prepare a plan: decide what you will do if this happens, and also try to prevent failure.
2. Realistic (as most likely to be), that is, simultaneously taking into account all 4 aspects of SWOT. It is based on facts and experience already gained.
3. The most positive version of events, when everything will be in your favor (the situation will affect only the positive aspects and opportunities).

How to get out of frustration?

Situation Acceptance Technique

Stop scolding yourself, other people, the world, circumstances for something that happened, this is a waste of a resource. If there are strong emotions, you need to work them out, throw them out. Active power or cardio loading helps well, even screaming or crying. It is important to be physically tired, then the stress in the body will be exhausted. Next, shift the focus from “who is to blame” to “what to do.” Ask yourself how you personally can improve the situation. And then you can begin to get out of a difficult situation with a couple of first small steps.

The technique of separating situation and state

In a stressful situation, you should remember that there is a negative stimulus and your reaction to it. These are completely different, not identical things. Just because something bad happened doesn’t mean you have to feel bad. Separate these two concepts. Remember that external circumstances have already happened and, in principle, they do not always directly depend on you, but only you yourself are responsible for your condition. And it is you who can control and change it with the help of techniques.

Technique «Analysis of the situation and conclusions»

This technique should only be used after you have used the first two. Try to analyze why the situation happened and in what area was your responsibility. After that, write conclusions: what you can do to prevent this from happening again. Plus, write down as clearly as possible how to get out of a similar situation, if it does happen again.

Technique «Mirror»

Imagine that a less experienced friend comes to you and asks for advice on how to get out of a similar situation. Help her to separate the problem and emotions, and then, as if from the outside, analyze her actions. For some students, such remote work in relation to themselves as a third party is easier to do than to deal with themselves face-to-face.

Finally, I would like to wish everyone to learn how to apply the principles of flexible thinking in order to control actions and behavior. You should not strive for the goal fanatically, in any way, with the attitude of «achieving at all costs.» It is in such cases, when encountering obstacles on the way, a person does not find a solution and falls into a state of frustration. Consciously and judiciously rearrange your plans depending on changing life circumstances.