Another term used in the Anglosaxons “the Friendzone”; in other words the role of the “good friend” or the friendship. Thinking of approaching the chosen one of his heart thanks to the friendship, one can find oneself prisoner of this state without succeeding in confessing his true feelings.

First of all, let’s identify the different situations that can lead to entering this friendzone:

Shyness, fear

We do not dare to confess our feelings to the other, for fear of being rejected, for lack of self-confidence. We imagine that the other will burst out laughing, or on the contrary get angry.

Perfectionism 

We always tell ourselves that we need the perfect opportunity, a sunset, violins, rose petals… In short, we put pressure on ourselves, and of course the opportunity never arrives.

The doubt

We preferred to get to know the person better before starting.

Chance 

We were friends and my feelings of friendship turned into love.       

The differences

Whether it’s age, culture, languages… brakes that according to our education can hold us back and prevent us from moving forward, we do not allow ourselves to reveal our feelings.

The gaze of others, the entourage

I love him, but what will my parents, my friends, his entourage say? Are they going to accept it? Will they be okay with our relationship?

The fear of losing him / her

We have known each other for a very long time. He or she is a pillar in my life and I am one in his. I’m afraid this will ruin everything and lose my best friend.

Here are the main signals of a friendzone: 

• The person refuses one-to-one meetings or manages to always accept them in the presence of other friends;
• Your friend talks to you about his romantic relationships, considers you as a confidant;
• The person is not tactile with you or on the contrary gives you a good pat on the shoulders like a good friend;
• It is always you who must make yourself available to see yourself

Some might say to be patient, but this passivity does not seem to be a good solution. According to Belinda STB, coach on a streaming platform, “doing nothing and not taking the initiative is not what girls are looking for. On the contrary, they expect guys to take romantic initiatives, ideas for going out, making decisions ”.

Be real and share your interests

You surely have hobbies, a passion, which may be of interest to the other. Go to a soccer game and explain the rules or the history of the players. Go see a show of a comedian that you like …

Surprise her

By offering him or her an activity that is out of the ordinary, a picnic, a visit to a place that he or she mentioned in your discussions …

Make him experience emotions

Emotions will be useful in memorizing the memories that you will create together: laughter, surprise, fear. Fairgrounds can be a good idea. When the person sees you again, their brain will use these emotions to remember you.

Alexandre Cormont, lovecoach, advises “to modify the gaze of your friend, by working on seduction, physical and psychological attraction, even if it means taking some distance with your friend in order to end the friendship and return later with a posture different to mark the difference and your desire to operate on other relational bases ”.

Compliments

Complimenting the person, showing them that they are being cared for is a start. Thanks to the word you can seduce, by complimenting him on his dress, his hairstyle etc …

Seduction

Seduction also involves posture. Some people will appreciate the physical closeness, but you have to stay subtle to avoid rushing her: going to the cinema, helping her get up when she is seated by offering her a hand.

Small gestures

These small gestures will lead the other to see you differently and perhaps to appreciate this coming together. If the person does not move away, or does not push you away, continue with a walk, taking their hand, looking at the starry sky together warm under a blanket… and the magic will operate.

If the person considers you a friend, it is because they recognize great qualities in you. Not enough to maintain a romantic relationship, because not everything depends on physical appearance, intelligence, humor etc … there is also an alchemy that cannot be explained.

Instead of spending energy on a path that leads nowhere and can ruin a beautiful friendship, it’s better to be yourself. Look around you. It may be that you yourself have put a person in “friendzone” when they correspond to you.