True friendship lasts a lifetime, but we rarely meet such friends. And what about others, those with whom we communicate at the institute, at work, in social networks? With whom we develop warm relations, but sooner or later come to naught. Why do we need these people?
What is the meaning of “friend”? We sometimes call a colleague with whom we go to lunch a friend. Or a truly close person, with whom “we went through fire and water” and who became closer to us than other relatives. And there are friends for a while, relations with which sooner or later come to naught.
How to distinguish “temporary” friendship from real
“Temporary friendship inevitably ends. Unfortunately, we often confuse such relationships with lifelong friendships, perhaps because they usually form just when we need them most. Some believe that such friendship arises in response to our current needs, it gives us some important lessons or support, which is much needed during a difficult period, ”explains family therapist Emily Feng.
When trying to figure out a relationship with a new friend, we often ask ourselves: did we get close too quickly? Isn’t it too early to start trusting and opening your soul? Most often, temporary friendships do not last long, but sometimes such relationships can last for several years or simply until the current stage of our life ends (for example, study or a child in kindergarten). But at some point, we begin to understand that we are growing and developing, and relationships seem to be dying off.
When a temporary friendship begins to fade, sometimes there is a feeling that a friend turns to us only when he needs us for some reason. Long-term friendship is different: each of the friends is ready to give up their interests in order to help the other if he has a harder time. The main difference is precisely in the mutual willingness to help.
“If you asked a friend for help and support, or wanted to share something sore, and he brushed it off or simply ignored you, it’s worth considering: perhaps this relationship is not as important for your friend as it is for you,” emphasizes Emily Feng.
Perhaps at some point you will feel that a friend has ceased to be interested in your life. When you talk on the phone, he talks about himself and does not ask anything about you. And if he needs to know something, he ends the conversation as soon as he gets an answer. It is possible that he will not hesitate to reveal your secrets to strangers.
But even if your temporary friend didn’t do anything wrong, it’s possible that your paths in life just diverged at some point. Once you had common goals, dreams, aspirations and values, but now they are almost gone.
How to End a Relationship Painlessly
You realized that friendly relations have exhausted themselves. But how to finish them so as not to hurt anyone?
You like this person, and you would not want to hurt him, but nevertheless, it is important to set certain boundaries.
“For a start, it’s enough to start saying “no” if you are asked for something at the wrong time. Clearly define your boundaries, while not making claims, but explain your position: “I don’t like it when …”, “The most important thing for me now is …”, “I was very unpleasant when …”, “I don’t like …” You you have the right to end a relationship that has exhausted itself,” says Emily Feng.
You should not scold yourself for opening your heart and soul to a person who became your friend only for a while, because he was still important to you. And if the relationship is over, it does not mean that you have failed.
“Try to just close this page of life and move on. Don’t hold a grudge against a former friend. And don’t look for it on social media,” Feng advises.
Try to find time to calmly analyze the relationship, remember what you are grateful for to the person who was with you for some time, gave you something important and necessary at that particular period.