Leading those with whom you are friends (or, conversely, being friends with those whom you lead) is not so easy. Often, either a relationship or a business suffers here. Is it possible to combine one and the other?
Friendship with colleagues, in addition to all the usual bonuses of friendship, gives us another one – it helps to work more efficiently and feel better at work. According to Gallup, this increases job satisfaction by 50%, and those who have friends among colleagues are seven times more involved in their work (1).
However, all of the above applies to colleagues who are more or less equal in status. If you are a leader, and a friend is your subordinate, this is fraught with complications for your career. Successful businessman Brian Fielkaw writes in his new book Toward Excellence: “If you have lunch together, play football after work or go to each other’s country house, it strains the rest of your subordinates.. From their point of view, it is unfair that one person enjoys the special disposition of the boss and can communicate with him whenever he wants. You may be disliked because you have a pet” (2).
But your friend can get it too. Especially if he receives some kind of preferences, be it a bonus or other encouragement, not to mention promotion. People will rather attribute this to your patronage than to his real merits and talents.
“On the other hand, it will be difficult for you to remain demanding when it comes to a friend,” says Brian Felkow. Will you criticize him if he did a bad job? What if he needs to be fired? In addition, a friend knows a lot about you and your life, and may abuse this if your relationship suddenly deteriorates. And then your credibility is at stake. Does this mean that the boss should never make friends among subordinates?? Of course not. But leaders need to be mindful of boundaries, says Brian Felkow. Here’s what he recommends, based on his 25 years of leadership experience.
- Make it a rule outside of work not to discuss other employees with a subordinate friend.
- Do not share confidential information about the company with him, it is better to wait until it becomes public property.
- Analyze whether you are open enough for your employees. How often do you communicate directly with them, do you look into the rooms where they work? Think, after all, a simple question “How did you spend your weekend?” can have a magical effect on people.
- If you are sincerely interested in the lives of your subordinates, you will achieve much better results. Employees will feel that work is more than just a job for them.
(1) «State of the American Workplace»,
(2) B. Fielkaw «Driving to Perfection: Achieving Business Excellence By Creating A Vibrant Culturе» (Two Harbors Press, 2014).