Françoise Dolto, with respect to children

When Francoise was 12 years old, her older sister Jacqueline died of cancer. The family lived for many years under the pressure of this terrible loss; mother, as it seemed to Francoise, could not forgive her that she remained to live, but Jacqueline did not. Perhaps that is why Francoise’s vocation was to help children who suffer because of broken family relationships.

In the last years of her life, the main business of Francoise Dolto was the “Green House” (Maison verte) – a family club where adults could come with small children. Having received the first experience of communication outside the family circle here, the child was not afraid to part with his mother and began to go to kindergarten without tears. In magazine articles, in radio broadcasts that all of France listened to, in her books, Francoise Doltot made psychoanalytic knowledge alive and accessible, enabling many parents to learn to understand their child, listen to him and respect him.

Keys to understanding:

The child is a person

As a child, Françoise Dolto made a promise to herself to try never to forget what it was like to be small. Having become a child psychoanalyst, she argued that a child, even a newly born one, is a person. He is not the property of his parents, and his desires, opinions deserve attention. To respect any choice of the child, even not coinciding with the choice of the father or mother – such was the moral credo of Dolto.

Saturate him with speech

For Françoise Dolto, a person is first of all a “talking creature”, even if he is a baby who still does not know how to utter a word. She argued that a very small child seeks to get enough of speech no less than mother’s milk. He perceives the world with the help of sight, touch, smell, taste, but only the word addressed to him gives the child the opportunity to feel part of the human race. Speech introduces the child into human society – and at the same time allows him to feel like a separate being, to indicate his difference from another person (primarily from his mother), in order to then be able to truly share his feelings, thoughts and memories with those around him.

speak honestly

You need to talk to the child, not talk to the child. Above all, be honest with him. Dolto argued that a child cannot be deceived because his unconscious knows the truth. From the first hours of life, the baby feels the sound of truth – “the coincidence of what they say and what he feels.” He needs the truth (no matter how difficult it may be) about everything that concerns him, including his origin and family history.

Understand body language

The most important theoretical idea of ​​Françoise Doltot was born thanks to the drawings of her little patients. She came to the conclusion that children’s spontaneous drawing reflects the child’s unconscious idea of ​​his own body. Dolto believed that his image is the first experience of a person’s sense of self. With the help of a drawing, through a symbolic reflection of body language, children show their experiences and feelings, which they still do not know how to talk about.