Four types of envy: guess which one is the least harmful

Four types of envy: guess which one is the least harmful

Psychology

In order not to feel envy, we must stop looking so much around us and start looking more at ourselves.

Seneca says that you will never be happy if it torments you that someone else is more so than you, and it is that when something disturbs us, in the sense that another person achieves his goals, it can lead us to envy, many times, without us noticing.

Irene López Assor, psychologist and author of ‘ 10 obstacles that prevent you from being happy’, points out that part of envy is associated with sadness, so we are talking about a basic and inherent human emotion: “When we learn to identify envy in a more natural way, we will be able to control behavior that generates it, such as impulsiveness, anger, sadness, and feeling worthless before ourselves and society. Envy slows down the path that we should choose individually and, therefore, our life purpose.

Recognizing that “pinch” in the stomach when someone has achieved something that you did not and you were in that struggle is difficult and painful, but once you have recognized the feeling and the sensation, the psychologist assures that “you can learn from the other, wish them to do well good and don’t interfere with your emotions.

Types of envy

For this we must know what types of envy there are … On the one hand there is the famous “good envy” or what we colloquially call healthy envy, which is useful, that is, it can expand and motivate us to improve certain aspects of our life; and on the other hand there is the most feared, the «bad envy», related to dishonesty and immoral conduct: “The objective of this is to defeat the other, underestimating the achievements or successes achieved”, indicates Irene López Assor. Phrases such as: “He is not so handsome”, “His work is normal, it is not that bad” or the famous “He is there because they have plugged him in” show that there could be resentment when pronouncing them.

Although the most identifiable are these two, the author of ’10 obstacles that prevent you from being happy ‘recognizes, at least, two other types: the’ schadenfreude ‘, or malicious joy, and the Procrustean syndrome.

The first is when you feel a deep joy for the failure of others or we see that someone of our competition fails. Irene López Assor assures that we not only feel good, we also we feel that an inner voice that wished for its failure sings victory. Apparently, this occurs because we are trying to claim a personal position and because we feel that the worse the competition fares, the better we will fare.

The Procrustean syndrome, as the psychologist tells us, is based on a bandit from Greek mythology who said that he tied his victims to the bed, if they were taller than he would cut their legs but, if on the contrary they were taller Little ones stretched out their limbs: «This myth shows us the extreme of envy; speaks of toxic envy. The envy that can go as far as destroying relationships with the environment and not only relationships with others become toxic, the important thing is that the one who is destroyed is oneself, and one’s own self-esteem ».

The dangers

It should be noted that being envious can be just as painful as being the one who pays it … What happens to envious people is that they want to be like others at some point or part of our life, and those who feel that they have a normal life, that It is not to be envied, they do not understand it and it provokes them feelings of sadness… “We have to be aware that having a normal life, today, is a very precious asset and a reason for envy,” says the psychologist. Many times, envy has no reason to exist: they can envy us for knowing how to cook, because we go to bed soon or for very normal things that may be within their power to do so, but the best thing is not to take responsibility.

To stop being

To put envy aside, the essential thing is to recognize when it appears and, above all, to give it a temporary state in our day to day life. «The less it occupies us, if it can be tenths of a second, the better. Recognizing that you are envious hurts your soul but if we understand that it is a human feelingIt will be much easier and we are going to give you a reason why you have that feeling, “says the specialist.

Once recognized, we must stop looking so much around us and start looking more inside ourselves, since envy causes a lot of dissatisfaction. Sure we have great qualities and capabilities, but we have to bring them to light. If we live in continuous frustration we will never be able to take out all that potential. that you have as a human being, not everyone has the same skills and we have to think and meditate on what I can offer the world.