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We feel that unpleasant thoughts and difficult feelings prevent us from living our lives to the fullest. How to cope with negative emotions and regain the ability to act? Recommendations of a psychotherapist and training leader Mark Sandomiersky.
Step 1. Mental anti-stress audit
Make a list of your negative recurring thoughts. Understand: what exactly am I afraid of, what depresses me? It would be good to start a diary of self-observations for this, and for one or two weeks to make notes precisely at those moments when the psychological state fluctuates, when painful thoughts and feelings sometimes roll over. When the circle of these thoughts — irrational in nature — is determined, make a list of logical refutations for it.
Step 2. Mindfulness of bodily sensations
Observing your mental state and bodily well-being, you need to notice and remember what unpleasant sensations are usually accompanied by habitual negative thoughts. Having figured this out, you need to make it a rule throughout the day to monitor the onset of such uncomfortable bodily sensations (lump in the throat, chest pain, shortness of breath, etc.). This is always a sign that we are moving from an adult to a “childish” helpless state (the so-called regression), we fall into the power of uncontrollable emotions. In other words, in moments of stress, the control functions in our brain shift from the left, logical and rational hemisphere to the emotional, irrational right. This is why, when negative thoughts come over us, we find it hard to argue with ourselves. Therefore, each time, noticing unpleasant bodily sensations, you need to make a short mental pause, at least for a few seconds, and say to yourself: “Stop! What is happening now — the transition to the state of a helpless child — is an illusion. In fact, I am an adult, self-sufficient person. I can stop and bring myself back to being an adult.» Various techniques can help with this. For example, you can do self-massage of biologically active points or perform several deep breathing cycles (exhalation is longer than inhalation), breathe in the rhythm of the pulse for a short time (synchronize with it so that a certain constant number of pulse beats fit during inhalation and exhalation) . You can do an energetic self-massage of the area where discomfort has arisen: around the heart or behind the sternum.
Step 3. Awareness of the main
At the moment when despondency covers, you need to remember your main life tasks (for what I live): in comparison with them, any difficulties will be temporary. In addition, think about loved ones, about everyone who is emotionally significant to us. This property of a mature personality is to realize that a person lives not only for himself. So, in a difficult moment, you need to think not only about yourself. On the other hand, it helps to feel that we will not be left alone in a difficult situation. Together, people cannot perish in the face of a crisis. If others adapt, then I can adapt too.
Step 4. Implementation of plans
From fears and doubts, you need to move on to finding practical steps. Analyze: what can I do in practice to improve the situation? Make specific plans for a foreseeable period of time, say, for a few weeks, and try to fulfill them. Continuing to keep your diary, make notes: what happened? what doesn’t quite work? what needs to be changed? In psychology, this is called sublimation. When we act consciously, we relieve internal tension by redirecting energy to achieve our goals.