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Self-care is the foundation of our emotional and physical well-being. But what does it mean to truly take care of yourself? And how do you know when this care is enough? These four rules will help ensure that we are able to support ourselves in difficult life circumstances.
1. Taking care of yourself means talking to yourself.
For many busy people, the idea of self-care causes protest and rejection. They don’t have time for yoga, they don’t have money for massages, and they don’t even have the energy to do morning exercises. So, at least they think. All of this may be true, but they’re missing an important point: self-care isn’t really about being able to find a couple of hours a week to practice. It is a way of life in which it is important what relationship you build with yourself from day to day and in every single moment.
The ability to talk, to find a common language with ourselves, largely determines our mood, affects the level of stress and whether we feel overwhelmed or in control of the situation. A busy day can be perceived as a nightmare and time trouble, promising complete exhaustion. Or you can – as a life challenge that develops and uses all our strengths. The choice is yours.
Pay attention to how and what you think, and make an effort to get rid of unproductive ways of thinking.
We are doing ourselves a disservice by ignoring this incredibly important component of self-care. In fact, no indulgences and little joys will be effective if you are used to winding yourself up, leading to panic and a nervous breakdown. You go for a massage, but do not relax, but endlessly think about work. You come to a yoga class, but are not immersed in the process, but are busy comparing yourself with those who practice next to you.
Pay attention to how and what you think, and make an effort to get rid of unproductive ways of thinking. This is a necessary and quite realistic condition for taking care of yourself.
2. Distraction Can Be Helpful, But Only Temporarily
When I ask my friends what self-help methods they practice, most often they begin to list, which distracts themselves from disturbing situations. Some go into binge reading of romance novels, others “hang out” on the Internet, others go to the movies.
There is nothing wrong with using any of these tricks from time to time. When your emotions are running high or you are exhausted, any more active activities or attempts to process your feelings may be too costly. At times like this, it really helps to just switch.
What’s not helpful is a situation where running away from problems becomes your only way to help yourself. When all you do is switch off, silence anxiety, avoid or ignore trouble, you accumulate a lot of unprocessed thoughts and feelings over time, which can increase stress and accelerate burnout, and not vice versa.
3. Find ways to process your experience emotionally
Balance common distractions with activities that help you deal with and process your feelings. Taking good care of yourself, however, involves the need to reflect on the circumstances that cause stress from time to time and deal with the negative emotions that accompany it.
For example, you have several responsible deadlines ahead of you, which coincide in terms. It depresses you so much that no trips to the cinema and other distractions simply will not help. It’s better to do something that purposefully affects your stress levels instead. For example, do some special relaxation exercises or talk with a colleague.
Ask yourself: Have I accessed my thoughts and feelings? Did you see a better perspective for solving your problem?”
Taking care of yourself means paying attention to your emotions. Everyone determines for himself what specific activities help him process emotions. For one, keeping a diary makes life easier, for another – drawing, talking about a problem with a friend or a therapist, for a third – prayer or spiritual practice. Do not forget about dancing, physical exercises, your favorite music. Sometimes just a good cry is enough.
The same reading and TV can be useful if you turn to them not for the purpose of distraction, but in search of content that is consonant with your problem. When you’re not reading a light novel, for example, but poems that touch on emotions that you want to work through.
To understand if the activity you have chosen has been effective, ask yourself: “Have I gained access to my thoughts and feelings? Did you see a better perspective for solving your problem? Did you feel relief and emotional release as a result of these actions? If the answer is yes, then you have found something wonderful.
4. Take care of your physical health
It seems to many of us that in order to “make yourself feel good”, you need to bring something new, bright and unexpected into your life. Spending a fortune on a special massage course, taking meditation classes with a famous guru, picking up a new hobby in the hope of finding something to inspire us. Of course, all this can be part of self-care, but do not forget about simple daily routines that support physical health.
Since you still need to eat, sleep, bathe, and dress, all of these routines can become a playground for practicing better habits. Why not be more conscious about choosing quality, healthy food? Change your bedtime, and at the same time buy a more comfortable pillow to sleep better?
By paying attention to our body, taking care of our well-being, we show that we value ourselves, that our life is important to us. This does not require a lot of time and money. By maintaining an inner conversation, taking care of your health, and maintaining a balance in activities that are distracting and help process emotions, you will be on the right path to a good, harmonious life.
About the Author: Katherine King is a Clinical and Developmental Psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychology at William James College, teaching gerontology, developmental development, and ethics.