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Most of the usual ways of responding to anxiety only exacerbate the situation, says psychotherapist Melanie Greenberg. Instead of the usual automatic reaction, it offers a conscious approach to solving the problem.
You are probably familiar with this feeling. The heart begins to beat faster, the breath catches, the stomach reduces. There is a spasm in the throat, the chest seems to tighten with a hoop. We become agitated, wary, trying to find a way to bring the situation under control. Thoughts rush at the speed of light, or we lose the ability to think clearly, we are paralyzed.
These are typical responses when the brain sends the “fight or flight” signal to the body. Everyone has automatic, time-tested ways to respond to anxiety, the problem is that they all fail.
1. Trying to get rid of anxiety
This strategy does not work, we cannot get rid of anxiety simply because we really want it. Fear and anxiety are brain and body reactions that are inextricably linked to the history of our species. Our ancestors regularly encountered dangerous predators, and those who had a faster reaction time were more likely to survive and eventually pass on their genes to us.
Anxiety is a signal that draws attention to something important. Cortisol is released in the brain, which pushes the body into a fight-or-flight response. The signal may be false, but trying to silence it only makes things worse.
2. Seek solace
Many respond to anxiety by frantically searching for information in the hope of finding a way to feel safe. Anxiety is often caused by threats that cannot be completely avoided. The life of modern man is full of dangers. You can get hit by a car while running across the street, become seriously ill, lose your job, or become a victim of crime. There are often no simple solutions to our problems. When we seek solace from others, we may receive information that will only increase our anxiety.
«Chewing» and anxiety
Scientifically, anxiety is the cognitive component of anxiety. Many react to anxiety by worrying, analyzing the situation, going over various options in their heads. And although in general there is nothing wrong with this, there is a great risk of getting too carried away. Thinking can become obsessive, negative, we begin to doubt and question ourselves, we just can’t let go of the situation. «Why didn’t he call? Will she answer? Maybe I did something wrong? What if they didn’t like it? Maybe I seemed boring to him? There is hardly any point in constantly playing this record.
Avoid
Anxiety often causes a desire to run away, hide, disappear. We strive to avoid an unpleasant situation, whether it’s a party with a lot of strangers or the beginning of a complex project. In the long run, anxiety only intensifies.
Yes, avoiding the situation may give us temporary relief, but the next time we encounter obstacles, it will become even more difficult, and the situation will begin to seem even more frightening. The right decision would be to face the circumstances face to face. Fear begins to recede as the brain «registers» that nothing terrible is happening.
If no strategy works, then what about anxiety?
So, we can’t make the anxiety go away, and avoidance only makes the situation worse. This means that we have no choice but to accept anxiety, acknowledge its presence, and observe it with a detached mind. This will help us gradually begin to change our relationship with her.
We will be able to soberly assess whether the threat is real and whether immediate action is needed. Sometimes anxiety acts for the good, not allowing you to stay in place and miss good opportunities. If it is so strong that it makes it impossible to think, you need to stop, take a few deep breaths and exhale, feel the ground under your feet and understand that nothing dangerous is happening in reality, the action takes place only in our head. This helps to regain balance, despite the anxiety.