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Pain, anger, disappointment, impotence. The desire to tear apart a partner or the one with whom he cheated on you. All these feelings are normal, but impulsive behavior can only hurt. Clinical psychologist Jill Weber talks about what not to do after learning about infidelity.
It is important not to mess things up in the first minutes, hours and days after you have learned the truth. How quickly you recover from the consequences of betrayal will depend on your behavior, whether you forgive your partner or decide to leave.
1. DON’T PANIC
When we are in danger, the body produces stress hormones and adrenaline, which put the brain and body into «alert» mode. Whatever we do in this panicky state is unlikely to benefit us, rather, harm and disappointment.
Instead of breaking dishes, making a fire out of your partner’s belongings, or looking for a separate apartment, try to stop and take a breath. Find a quiet place where you can be alone and calm down a little. When stress hormones return to normal, you can think about what to do next.
2. DON’T STOP TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
The shock of betrayal can be so strong that we want to hide from the whole world. The easiest way is to lie in bed with a blanket over your head and eat chocolate. However, this is ineffective — you will not treat the flu in this way.
Your condition is also a disease, and you need to treat it in the same way as a cold:
- Drink plenty of fluids and eat light, healthy foods.
- Try to get more rest, even if you have trouble sleeping.
- Go outside every day.
Remind yourself that your partner’s betrayal has nothing to do with who you are and doesn’t make you worse.
3. DON’T TELL EVERYONE
Upon learning of the betrayal, many begin to complain to relatives, colleagues and neighbors. Of course, in this situation, you need support, but you should not share the details of the relationship and feelings with everyone.
Many couples rebuild their lost trust and continue to live together. They feel uncomfortable if others know the details of their intimate life. Entrust your feelings to one or two friends in whose reliability you are sure.
4. DON’T RUN TO COURT
Divorce is the first impulsive desire that arises when you find out about your partner’s infidelity. But, succumbing to this impulse, you can make mistakes that will negatively affect your future life.
You will always have time to go to court, divorce is a long painful process that requires time and money.
5. DON’T SUPERVISION
Try to cope with the desire to find out the details of your partner’s relationship, otherwise you will only hurt yourself.
Studying the profile of an opponent in social networks means wasting time and nerves. It does not matter who this person is, where he lives, what he does and how he looks. The problem is not with him, but with your partner. Or rather, in your relationship with him.