Teach your kids to be normal. Do not guess what the children want from you with their crying. Let them learn: while they are crying, you do not understand them. You can understand what they want only when they clearly say what they want.
Usually, in order to say something, the child needs to calm down a little. And that’s good. Although advanced children can clearly yell their wishes-demands through the most desperate crying, this should not suit you: speak more harshly that while you are crying, we are not agreeing on anything. You need to calm down and start speaking normally.
The story of a wise mother, a student at the University of Practical Psychology.
My goal: To teach my daughter (4 years old) to achieve her goal without crying, without groans and whims. What I do: I tell you how to do it correctly with examples.
Anya: in a sad tone, moaning “Maa-aamochkaaa, but I don’t have socks, I can’t find them”
Me: “Anechka, I understand that you want something, but when you speak in such a voice, I don’t understand what exactly you want. Let’s fix your face and say what you need.
Anya: Straightens her shoulders, smiles, but her eyebrows are drawn together, continues in a groaning voice: “Nooo socks”
Me: “Anna, straighten your eyebrows too, and tell me what you need. Do you want to ask me something? If yes, then say so.”
Anya: Suddenly, as if he takes off his mask and in an ordinary tone with vivacity says: “Mommy, I want to ask you: give me socks!”
Me: “Anna, what a fine fellow you are, you can clearly say! I understand you now, let’s go and give you socks.
Observations, finds:
In the process of observation, it turned out that Anya almost always asks me with groans in her voice. She also has fears (like: I lay down, didn’t get up, although I woke up a long time ago, but I was afraid to approach you, I thought that you would scold me).
I realized for myself that the Child needs to repeat the pattern of behavior constantly. Don’t be lazy. As soon as it becomes a habit with him, when he understands the rule, he will do it right. I am still watching and learning. I watch with pleasure, because there is a result. Thank you Nikolai Ivanovich for the Theory of Emotion Analysis, it’s a miracle!
The story of an advanced dad. Daughter Sonya, 10 years old, starts stomping her feet and screaming:
— Leave me alone! Tired!
I say:
— Sonechka, I can’t do this. In order for me to get behind you, I need to leave the family, leave my mother and you. Then you will become completely indifferent to me, and I will not be engaged in your education. Does this option suit you?
— Not satisfied…
— Then I have to pester you, because I want you to be with me (I list). So let’s agree with you: you don’t like me pestering you? Probably I chose the wrong language, probably you want to improve, educate, but only in such a way that you are pleased.
— Yes I want to.
How do you like «pleasant»?
— I do not know.
— Let’s then invent the following with you: if, for example, your hands behave differently — your head does not control your hands — then I tell you one phrase «upper ass» (in the original presentation it was formulated a little more colloquially). If you, for example, do not follow the gait, the body behaves separately, I say «lower butt». And if you have arms, legs, and a head, I say — «Sonya, full ass!»
She ran home and said:
— Mom, now if I have a lot of things, and I can’t free-disassemble my hands, then my dad and I say this phrase. But, mom, it’s only dad who can talk!