From an etymological point of view, forgiveness comes from latin to forgive and designates the action of ” give completely ».

Beyond the etymological aspect, forgiveness remains difficult to define.

For Aubriot, forgiveness be anchored « on a grace, contingent but total, substituted for a consequence (the punishment) considered normal and legitimate of a clearly recognized fault or offense ».

For psychologist Robin Casarjian, forgiveness is ” an attitude of responsibility for the choice of our perceptions, a decision to see beyond the personality of the offender, a process of transformation of our perceptions […] which transforms us from victim to co-creator of our reality. »

Psychologist Jean Monbourquette prefers define forgiveness by what it is not : forget, deny, ordered, excuse, a demonstration of moral superiority, a reconciliation.

Contemporary psychology increasingly recognizes the therapeutic values ​​of forgiveness, even if this is still quite marginal: in 2005, the French psychiatrist Christophe André confessed that “ all of this is fairly pioneering, but forgiveness now has its place in psychology. Of the ten thousand French psychiatrists, we are still perhaps a hundred to refer to this current of humanist psychotherapy which appeared twenty years ago in the United States. ».

An offense, whether it is an insult, an assault, a rape, a betrayal or an injustice affects the offended person in his psychic being and causes a deep emotional wound leading to negative feelings (anger, sadness, resentment, desire for revenge, depression, loss of self-esteem, inability to concentrate or create, mistrust, guilt, loss of optimism) causing poor mental health and physical.

Dance Heal against all odds, Dr. Carl Simonton demonstrates the causal relationship that links negative emotions to genesis of cancers.

Israeli psychiatrist Morton Kaufman has discovered that forgiveness leads to greater emotional maturity while the American psychiatrist Richard Fitzgibbons found there reduced fear and Canadian psychiatrist R. Hunter a decreased anxiety, depression, intense anger and even paranoia.

Finally, the theologian Smedes believes that the release of resentment is often imperfect and / or that it can take months or years to come about. Just saying “I forgive you” is typically not enough, although it can be an important step in getting started, in starting to truly forgive.

Luskin defined a framework for the therapeutic process of forgiveness:

• forgiveness follows the same process regardless of the offense concerned;
• forgiveness concerns the present life and not the past of the individual;
• forgiveness is an ongoing practice appropriate in all situations.

For authors Enright and Freedman, the first phase of the process is cognitive in nature: the person decides they want to forgive for one reason or another. She may believe, for example, that it will be good for her health or her marriage.

During this stage, she typically feels no compassion towards the offender. Then, after a certain time of cognitive work, the person enters the emotional phase where he gradually develops a empathy for the offender by examining the life circumstances that may have led him to commit the injustice she suffered. Forgiveness would really start at that stage where empathy, sometimes even compassion, appears to replace resentment and hatred.

At the final stage, no negative emotion resurfaces when the offending situation is mentioned or remembered.

In 1985, a group of psychologists affiliated with the University of Wisconsin initiated a reflection on the place of forgiveness in the psychotherapeutic enterprise. It offers an intervention model divided into 4 phases and used successfully by many psychologists.

Phase 1 – Rediscover your anger

How did you avoid confronting your anger?

Did you face your anger?

Are you afraid of exposing your shame or guilt?

Has your anger affected your health?

Have you been obsessed with the injury or the offender?

Do you compare your situation with that of the offender?

Has the injury caused a permanent change in your life?

Has the injury changed your view of the world?

Phase 2 – Decide to forgive

Decide that what you did didn’t work.

Be prepared to begin the process of forgiveness.

Decide to forgive.

Phase 3 – Work on forgiveness.

Work on understanding.

Work on compassion.

Accept the suffering.

Give the offender a gift.

Phase 4 – Discovery and release from the prison of emotions

Discover the meaning of suffering.

Find out your need for forgiveness.

Find out that you are not alone.

Find out the purpose of your life.

Discover the freedom of forgiveness.

« Hatred revolts the chic types, it does not interest chimerical minds who have only love, presumed twin, the spoiled child of the public. […] Hatred ([…] this motive power, endowed with a force that is both unifying and energizing) serves as an antidote to fear, which renders us powerless. It gives courage, invents the impossible, digs tunnels under barbed wire. If the weak did not hate, strength would remain strength forever. And empires would be eternal » Debray 2003

« Forgiveness allows us to begin to accept and even love those who have hurt us. This is the last step of inner liberation » Jean Vanier

« Like others teach their students to play the piano or speak Chinese. Little by little, we see people functioning better, becoming more and more free, but it seldom works by clicking. Often forgiveness acts with a delayed effect… we see them again six months, a year later, and they have significantly changed… the mood is better… there is an improvement in self-esteem scores. » De Sairigné, 2006.