The insult inflicted by a loved one hurts us very much. But it is easier for us to forgive her, the closer this person is to us.
Resentment from a loved one hurts more than from a stranger, but it’s easier for us to forgive him. The reason is that our brain attaches different meanings to short and long relationships. When evaluating a person new to us, we use the “social decision center” located in the anterior cingulate gyrus. But the closer the communication becomes, the more active the temporal lobe, the “habit center”*, plays. Moreover, this mechanism operates regardless of what feelings we have for a person. It is not for nothing that it is sometimes so difficult to decide to put an end to a marriage or a long-term employment relationship, although we understand that it is impossible otherwise.
* PNAS, 2013, vol. 110.
See also:
- Sweet bitterness of resentment
- Life on autopilot: can it be changed?