Now on the Internet, almost every question can be answered. Hooray! Life has improved! Read, apply and rest on your laurels. However… however, in the field of human relations, this does not always work. Why?
Why is it not possible to apply and get results, like, from quite reasonable advice? The answer to this question is trivial — because the necessary skills and abilities for this have not been developed.
For example:
forum post:
It has been three months since I became ideal for my husband, I learned to suppress tantrums in myself — I think, I calculate, then I decide what to do. I began to praise him, I see that he likes it. I let him go fishing with friends, etc. Everything is wonderful here. And he really likes it. But if I ask him for something — go to the mountains, ride bicycles — he agrees, but pulls the rubber. When we go already in the evening, then even then he “incinerates” my brain with his excuses — then he doesn’t want to ride here, then he’s tired, etc. — one continuous whining and no rest, he does not care about my mood. While I am a good fairy with him — he loves me, but he still gu.e.t me and talks in a tone like with a first grader, teaches me everything! It’s not the same everywhere. But if I just want to offer something interesting to me, then in general, complete indifference to my desires. And now I know how to listen to his stories, how he rested with friends, how they had fun, about his work, but as soon as I talk about something of my own, I see that he immediately becomes uninteresting, he is distracted and does not listen to me at all . Complete indifference to my needs and interests.
And here’s the tip:
If things are like this for you, then the way out is that you need to calmly agree with your husband that you will go on vacation with your friends alone. For example, suggesting to her husband: If you don’t want to go there, I will go there myself with my friends. If you agree to spend your time for your interests with friends, this is already good, but this is the first part of the matter. After all, you want to spend this time with your husband. Then you can do this: go, have a rest, and then cheerfully tell your husband how your friend Pashka (your girlfriend’s brother) told you a joke on the trip, and Vaska (your girlfriend’s friend) taught you something for a long time and smartly, and now you are all in awe :-). Bring with you a bouquet of wild flowers from Pashka, and a chocolate bar from Vaska, and do not forget to admire in front of your husband, how wonderful they are — these men’s friends! That is, you need to delicately play on the jealousy of your husband. After such a game, the husband, most likely, will want to go on vacation together, BUT! already on your terms — that is, without whining and mournful appearance. It’s just that your husband forgot that you are a WOMAN, and not just a woman, but a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, and if you don’t take care of you, someone else will definitely start doing it. Remind him of this and the problem will resolve itself.”
What is seen in this advice? What the advice implies, firstly, is the ability to negotiate, secondly, the ability to gently play on the male possessive instinct and provoke a man’s desire to be around more often in order to push possible male competitors into the background, and thirdly, the girl’s ability to behave like that surround her with attentive males.
Therefore, in fact, everything seems to be reasonable, but in fact — does the girl have the opportunity to competently implement this, without constipation of this advice at any of the stages? For example, how developed is her ability to negotiate? What are the key skills she must have to stir up the quagmire of a frozen relationship and provoke a share of healthy jealousy in her man? In relation to which girl is such jealousy possible and will only work to strengthen feelings, and not to destroy relationships? Yes, a girl must be beautiful, well-groomed and charming in order to enjoy increased success with the opposite sex, but most importantly, she must be interesting not only as a sexual object, but first of all, she must be interesting as a person. Then all the men around her will communicate with her with enthusiasm. It is to communicate, and not just play sexual winks, which, of course, her husband will never like. And as soon as she starts to tell how she had fun talking with someone there, he will immediately ask her a question: On the basis of what interests did you have such fun? Because he will perfectly understand the background of this communication, if the girl cannot present anything other than breasts and eyes in communication. It’s just that he himself, only her breasts and eyes, have already become not so interesting to keep on a leash twenty-four hours a day nearby, and so far, apparently, he couldn’t see anything else, since the girl had problems communicating with him.
And here the question immediately arises — is there something else? Is there an attractive personality?
And if there is a developed personality, then she will not feel the need for this advice, and if there is no personality, then the advice will not work.
We cannot give advice on how to become an Olympic champion to someone who has not trained for years the skills necessary for this. In the situation of sporting achievements, the absurdity of this is clearly visible. And in a situation of psychological skills, for some reason, the belief remains that it is really possible to use advice without having prepared the necessary skills for them. An important link is missing between the question and the advice — the skills and abilities of the individual. More precisely, it is not skipped by a consultant psychologist, when a consultant, for each of his advice, draws up a development program that his ward needs to master. This link is often skipped by people who are simply looking for answers to their questions and who believe that good advice is already a panacea. Yes, there is an answer, but what about abilities? The answer is like a recommendation: you can drive here on this brand of car. And it is true. But have you learned how to drive such a machine? Are you able to apply this advice correctly? Have you developed the necessary muscles for this? Therefore, as we can see, there are many tips for creating strong relationships, and things are still there.
What will be our decision?
Friends, let’s train and develop our personality. And then our own personality will give us the answers to all our questions and, what is important, will reinforce these answers with our abilities!
We all understand the necessity of training for our body, the time has come when it became clearly visible that our soul also needs training! And just as we are well aware that the body must be trained and prepared in advance, the same approach must be organized for our soul!
What skills and abilities would you like to develop in yourself?
Have you made your development plan?
Have you joined the team of like-minded people with whom you carry out your practice under the guidance of a coach-psychologist?