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A distance of several thousand kilometers can kill even the strongest romantic relationships, let alone friendship. But even if your loved one suddenly finds himself on the other side of the globe, it is not at all necessary to delete him from your life.
“The longer you’re friends, the more your friend is like a box of treasured memories of you,” says psychologist Irene Levine, author of How to Get Over a Breakup with Your Best Friend. “He remembers what kind of person you were before, knows why you became exactly who you became, understands you perfectly and does not require explanation.”
In his book, the psychologist gives recommendations to friends who are in difficult situations. We found people who used them. So, what to do if your best friend began to live on another continent?
1. Dedicate time to your friendship
Reply to a message, call on Skype, send an e-mail – these are all the little things, but they allow you to keep abreast of events in each other’s lives.
“You don’t have to call every night,” explains Irene Levine. – But you can agree that, say, every Friday you will tell each other how your week went. It is important not to miss online meetings: after some time, they will become a habit and strengthen your friendship. Don’t miss out on important events like birthdays, and support a friend through tough times.”
“We have been friends with Katya for 20 years, we met at school. Then they entered the same institute, rented an apartment together and even got a job in neighboring business centers,” says Maria, 30 years old. Katya introduced me to my future husband, and then she got married herself. For a German… They immediately left for Germany.
At first, it was very difficult for me – I got used to the fact that just a little, I can call her, come to visit. We tried to call each other, but every month we did it less and less. Then she offered to “book” Wednesday evening for our online Skype meeting. Six months have passed, and we haven’t missed a single day yet – every Wednesday after work we call each other and chat while cooking dinner or other things.”
2. Be original
Social networks are certainly a great tool, but do not forget about other ways to maintain relationships at a distance. Send a handwritten letter to a loved one, and enclose a childhood photo together in an envelope – this will make your friend feel special.
“And always discuss exactly how you want to communicate,” advises Irene Levine. “Some of you may hate Facebook, and some of you may hate getting emails while you work.”
“For the past five years, all I’ve seen in my mailbox is bills and brochures. But since my best friend moved to America, I have received dozens of postcards,” says Olga, 35. She sends them from every city she visits. In turn, I now send postcards from every trip not only to her, but to all my relatives. Still, there is something magical about receiving such a message.
3. Create new memories
“When it comes to maintaining friendships at a distance, old memories are indispensable,” the psychologist warns. “Friends need to learn how to create new memories together, even if they see each other once a year.” Try to meet at the same restaurant when you visit each other, or go on vacation together in “neutral” territory.
“I have been working in Dubai for the fifth year now. We met Maxim at the institute, now we are family friends, – says Ruslan, 37 years old. “Because of work, we don’t see each other at all, but once a year we go on a two-week trip with family and friends. Last year we drove around Portugal, this year we want to go around Norway by car. Every time I forget that I haven’t seen him for a year, it’s like we parted just yesterday.”
4. Show that you care
Show attention to detail – ask a friend about children, new acquaintances, plans for the week, do not hesitate to ask what friends had for lunch! These little pieces make up the big picture of life.
“We used to be a big group of inseparable friends, but over time, one of us moved to France, another to Italy, and the other two flew to England,” says Anastasia, 25. – We created a Vkontakte chat for the ten of us, at first just to make appointments. But now the chat is over a year old, and thanks to it, it seems to me that we haven’t gone anywhere.
I can upload a photo from the fitting room and ask for advice, someone shares a photo of their lunch, but our favorite entertainment is comparing the weather in the morning and the view from the window. It seems like little things, but it is thanks to them that we feel that we are still together.”
5. Be honest
“Know how to soberly assess the situation, learn to forgive and … say goodbye! Irene Levine warns. “Honestly admit, if innuendo and tension have arisen in your relationship, sort out the reasons and, if necessary, end the relationship: help each other do this.”
“Ending a friendship is not the same as ending a romantic relationship. At some point, communication simply fades away, and interest in a person fades away, – Andrey, 32 years old, is sure. “It is very important here not to let everything take its course, but to talk with a friend and part on a positive note.”