Five myths about online dating

“Blondes are windy”, “Russians like to drink”, “women don’t drive well” – there are many stereotypes and social labels in the public mind. The name of this phenomenon is stigmatization. One of the properties of “stigma” is a bright negative coloring. Online dating has been stigmatized for a long time. Let’s analyze the existing myths about dating.

What applications and dating sites do not consider: both a meeting place for losers who do not know how to communicate in real life, and a platform for finding a partner for one night. Let’s try to disassemble and refute the main myths.

1. Online dating is a gesture of desperation: only losers meet like this

The myth that you can only meet losers, people with perverted inclinations or girls of easy virtue on the Web has long been a thing of the past. Residents of megacities from morning to night do not take their eyes off the screens of gadgets: at breakfast, in the subway, in a cafe, in a club or just on the street.

We use apps to teach kids, count calories, chat with friends, and shop.

Like them, dating apps are just a way to save time

At a party, it is impossible to set the parameters for finding a partner, and going out does not happen so often. In dating apps, you can search for a partner at any time of the day, filter out “candidates” by interests, geolocation, height and age. In the modern world, swiping is as easy as looking at a person with your eyes in a crowd.

2. Purposefully looking for a partner is embarrassing.

We used to think that love is something that should happen to us suddenly, at first sight, or arise on the basis of mutual sympathy in the course of real communication. And intentionally looking for a relationship is wrong.

But we can and should look at the situation differently. Will you be ashamed in ten years to tell your child that you met his father or mother in the application? Unlikely. Already now it sounds as natural as in the 1990s – “we met at a disco.” And the fact that you found each other on the vast expanses of the Internet and managed to build a wonderful relationship is a reason for pride.

3. Those who have problems with communication in real life get acquainted on the Web.

Suppose you met a young man at a party. He smiled at you, you smiled at him, you drank a couple of cocktails, talked. What’s next? And then you will add each other as friends and will correspond in the messenger.

During the entire period of courtship, you will get to know each other better on the Internet, and on dates you will only check the received virtual impressions in practice. Online communication is no longer a sign of shyness – it is a lifestyle and the most common form of communication.

4. Online is not the place for a serious relationship.

It is generally accepted that online dating is something frivolous, for once, they cannot result in a long-term relationship or marriage.

But, again, you can look at the situation from a different angle. Hundreds of thousands of people communicate at the same time in applications. In order to find “your” person here, you need to do some serious work, look through a huge number of profiles and photos, strike up dozens of dialogues, go on dates regularly.

Of course, there is a certain percentage of people here who do not need a serious relationship, but about the same as in real life.

5. Dating apps are only looking for sex.

Online dating services are an excellent platform for researching human relationships, because millions of people communicate on them every day. People get to know each other, make appointments with each other. For example, in the Mamba application, when a user deletes a profile, he is prompted to provide a reason. According to them, the most common reason for removal is “found a couple,” and the least popular is “too many sexual offers.”

In addition, is the search for a sexual partner only for users of dating sites? Is a man who meets a girl in a bar always looking for a serious relationship? Men who hint at sex in correspondence do the same in real life. But if in the application you can dot the “i” and send the user to a ban, then in life we ​​will be disappointed when we find out that our goals do not match.

“It’s IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE LOOKING FOR”

Ivan Ovcharov is a psychologist

The Internet is an incredibly convenient space where all the benefits of civilization are available at the first click. Relationship seeking is no exception. Of course, among the users of dating applications there are many introverts and people who experience difficulties in real communication.

In addition, many are driven to online dating by the desire to take risks, to experience an adrenaline rush: what if I’m lucky today! However, for most visitors, registering on the site is an escape from loneliness, an attempt to start a family. This is especially true for residents of large cities.

There are many adequate and socialized single people in applications, on dating sites, in social media. But in order to find the right person for you, it is important to understand who exactly you want to find and why, this will help you avoid disappointment. Often a successful acquaintance on the Internet gives a charge of confidence and increases self-esteem. And it is also an opportunity for each of us to regain our former self: alive and sensual.

Ivan Ovcharov

Psychologist

Psychologist, coach, relationship expert.

ovcharov.ru

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