First (successful) vacation together

Two plane tickets, two suitcases ready for the journey… The desire to run away from everyone – of course, it is better to go to some island where there is only nature, stars and the ocean – is familiar to all lovers.

Although, just before leaving, doubts may suddenly arise in the soul: “What if we made a mistake? Will we get along with each other? What are we going to talk about? ..” Such questions are inevitable, because the first joint vacation is a turning point for the relationship of any couple.

Being under the microscope

Whether we choose the comfortable beaches of Spain or a log cabin on the banks of the Volga as a “paradise for two”, the first trip together becomes a test. After all, now it’s not just about spending a few hours alone, for several days, or even weeks, we will constantly be together.

And therefore, there is no chance to hide the fact that someone prefers a “creative” mess in their things, and someone does not like to shave unnecessarily or does not see the point in getting out from under the covers until dinner is served. Going to travel together, we voluntarily go to proximity twenty-four hours a day.

“The decision to go somewhere together is a serious step towards each other,” says psychotherapist Viktor Makarov. “Both partners deliberately take risks: after all, such a rapprochement can both strengthen and undermine already established relationships.” A joint journey allows us not only to stay with each other face to face, but also to discover ourselves and get to know our partner in an atmosphere of everyday and human intimacy.

“In vain it is believed that the main test for love is separation. A one-room hotel room can become a much more serious test, ”warns family psychologist Inna Khamitova. Being in close contact twenty-four hours a day is not easy even for very close people. Imagine: one is an “owl” and the other is a “lark”, and on vacation this inevitably affects their joint plans. Both will have to reckon with it.

“This is where a certain style of relations will manifest itself,” Inna Khamitova continues, “whether they will make a joint decision on a common regime, whether they will make a mutual compromise, or whether one will prove to the other that he is wrong and crush him under him. How to share a bathroom, whether to go on an excursion or sunbathe by the pool, dine at home or in a restaurant – the couple is constantly looking for ways to agree. Until we have lived together for at least a few days in a row, we cannot say that we are made for each other.

compare views

“The rhythm of life largely depends on daily needs, old habits, family traditions,” says Viktor Makarov. “On vacation, the opposite is true – we don’t organize the world around us, but it reorganizes us.” Vacation together is a time of maximum intimacy, it gives us the opportunity to see the true desires, character and behavior of the other.

“My future husband and I dated for more than two years before we managed to combine our vacations,” says 31-year-old Svetlana. — We went hiking along an easy mountain route. Actually, I was afraid that I would quickly get tired, that I would be bored away from civilization, but he persuaded me. And I did not regret it: there I seemed to see him with different eyes and … fell in love for real. I thought that he was the most ordinary guy, but a good person. And he turned out to be amazing – caring, skillful, strong. I don’t understand how I could consider him ordinary!”

“Spending twenty-four hours together with each other, partners (sometimes for the first time) also get the opportunity to “verify” their views on life,” sociologist Irina Palilova notes. “After all, in the daily time pressure, we often do not have time for serious conversations about the main thing.

Situations that allow you to see the behavior, actions of a partner may not add up – after all, the dating environment is always a little artificial, besides, both at such moments are focused primarily on each other, and not on what is happening around.

wish time

In an atmosphere of relaxation, we no longer build life according to time frames or obligations, the main ones are desires and feelings – ours and our partner’s.

“In fact, it is on vacation that we discover the true desires of the other,” adds French sexologist Gerard Lele. – After all, the main thing appears at our disposal – time for hugs in the midday siesta, for exploring our bodies, desires, sexual rhythms. Therefore, traveling together is also a decisive stage, on which the future sexual life of the couple largely depends.

“Vacation is the time of the greatest sexual intimacy, when you can focus on the process, and not on the result,” Inna Khamitova agrees. – This is an opportunity to be a sexual gourmet, listen to the desires of a partner and your own. You can “let go” of attraction, indulge in exquisite pleasures, try to better coordinate your sexual rhythms – this is the basis on which relationships will subsequently be held.

When the couple returns to the daily work rhythm, in which time for each other will not be enough again, emotions will subside, and sex may seem like something familiar. The feeling of deep sexual interaction that they experienced during their first vacation together often helps to bring feelings back to life.

Don’t “play along”

“Nina and I decided to go on vacation to Turkey together six months after we met,” recalls 26-year-old Evgeny. – I was sure that we would have a great time together – after all, we were in love, we wanted to be close, but there was not enough time, despite the fact that I often stayed overnight with her.

But the trip turned out to be a complete nightmare! In Moscow, Nina was a businesslike and active girl, and there she lay in bed until noon, it was impossible to pull her further than the beach, she was not interested in everything, and as soon as we walked ten minutes, she began to complain that she was tired … It’s good that all this showed up early enough before the relationship went too far!”

“You need to prepare for a joint trip,” advises Viktor Makarov. – Everyone knows how important it is not to make a mistake in choosing things – clothes for the weather, in a guidebook or medicines. It is equally important to understand the measure of autonomy in relation to each other. It is worth defining the boundaries of intimacy that are acceptable to both, because everyone needs a share of personal time and space.

“Try to catch the moment when the other wants to be alone,” continues Viktor Makarov. – If the partner disinterestedly answers questions, looks absent-minded, immersed in his thoughts, it may be time to give him a “breather”.

“To focus too much on each other is risky,” confirms Inna Khamitova. – It is clear that the two have long dreamed of being together longer, and they, like in the sea, rush into this proximity, and then find out … that they are tired of each other. There is a feeling (for each or for one of the two) that in this endless merging you are losing yourself. And this is a completely natural feeling, because each of us is a social being, but our own individuality is no less important to us.

At the same time, in a relaxed atmosphere of relaxation, it is easy to begin to idealize relationships. We so want everything to go well that we try to notice only positive aspects in the other, and at the same time we ourselves try to show what is expected of us, agreeing to embellish our real appearance a little.

“You should not try to play the role of a perfect life partner,” warns Inna Khamitova. – In an effort to justify the expectations of a partner, you can find yourself in a trap: without the ability to remain ourselves, at some point we begin to feel irritation in the society of the one for whom this whole game was started. The partner becomes a source of discomfort, and it is very easy to unconsciously start blaming him for this.

When leaving for the first time together, it is important to allow yourself to be as open as possible in a relationship. How close are we willing to let another person get close to us? Of course, no one can guarantee that you will be accepted for who you are. But the risk is definitely worth it.

The first step towards a future relationship

Going on their first vacation together, the two create the beginning of their shared history. These days they have an invaluable fund of common jokes and funny incidents, secret “code” words, intimate habits and rituals. These treasures that belong to both will become the basis on which their relationship will be built, and insurance in case they suddenly give a crack.

So travel is not only a break from the usual life, it is just an ordinary life for which we often simply do not have enough time. Paradoxically, what was one of the first strength tests for the two can later become a reliable means of strengthening the relationship … if they continue.

Sometimes it takes only a few days for the partners to get enough of the idyllic image of a paradise vacation and feel a new reality: they have the opportunity to become one whole – a couple. A joint journey often becomes a journey into the future: it is far from home that the decision to live together comes to the two. And their return to real life is already happening in a new capacity.