Am I going to bleed? Am I going to be in pain? Am I going to have fun? Before the very first time, questions rush through the minds of young women. Here are some answers.

17,6 years for girls, 17 years for boys: this is the average age of first sexual intercourse, according to the 2016 Health Barometer of Public Health France. Today, six months separate men and women. In 1940, the gap was 4 years. “Before we had sex to have children, today it is also to have fun”, explains Dr Marion Rousseau, general practitioner and orthogenist at the CHU de Caen. Moreover, until the years 1960/1970, the woman often lived her very first experience under the duvet with the man whom she was going – or had just – to marry.

We hear everything and its opposite on the hymen, a thin membrane located at the entrance to the vagina. It partially obstructs the vaginal opening. Its shape, size and elasticity vary from woman to woman. It is not completely waterproof since it lets period blood flow. It can tear during the first penetration – it is very often the case, but it is not systematic.

“Some young women have already had a report and have an intact hymen”, confirms Dr. Rousseau “Conversely, the young woman may have torn it years earlier, for example while riding or riding. gymnastic. »Contrary to popular belief, it is not therefore synonymous with virginity.

In some young women, blood may leak from the vagina. This is due to the rupture of the hymen. But don’t panic: there aren’t many, and that’s absolutely okay. “These bleeds are not systematic,” says Dr. Rousseau.

The loss of virginity is synonymous with pain for many. “Most of the time it is due to anticipatory anxiety, which is quite logical and understandable. »Stress is often present. The young girl, too contracted, sometimes not sufficiently lubricated, risks having more pain. All the more reason to take your time and not cut short the preliminaries. Using lubricant can also help.

Each experience is unique, and there is no point in being scared by listening to the girlfriends tell about their first times. “For some young girls, things are going very well,” while for others, anxiety dominates. “We don’t all experience our first sexual encounter the same way.

What is important to keep in mind is that you should not hesitate to stop if it hurts ”, even if the partner is disappointed. “If it’s the right person, if there is mutual trust, it will be better next time. And it will get better and better. “

It is rarely achieved the first time … and that’s okay, because there will be countless opportunities to catch up later. The first time does not determine the sexuality of the years which will follow, and fortunately.

“The important thing is to have pleasure and desire. When the pleasure is there, the clitoris and the lips at the level of the vulva swell, the vagina is lubricated. A good knowledge of your body, before this first time, is an undeniable asset. “You have to take the time to explore. Sex is also words of love, kisses, caresses.

It should not be reduced to penetration. We each have our sexuality, we do what we want, as long as the other is consenting. For things to go well, you don’t have to force yourself to please the other, wait to feel ready, choose the right time, the right place.

Do not forget, in all cases, to provide condoms. To buy in a supermarket or a pharmacy (the distributors outside make it possible not to go to the cash register if you are shy). “Only the condom (male or female) protects against sexually transmitted infections (STIs),” recalls Health Insurance.

“Its use is essential until you have established a stable relationship with a single partner and tested for HIV. »And to avoid pregnancy, it is recommended to use another method of contraception (pill, implant, patch…), at the same time as the condom. You can be pregnant the first time. If the young woman needs discreet advice, she will find support in Family Planning, with a general practitioner or a gynecologist.