What should be the first sex for a boy to grow into a real man? No, we do not call to hold the candle. But it’s still worth getting your boy across something.
Recently, American scientists “calculated” the ideal age for first sex – 18-19 years. During these years, in addition to physical maturity, a person begins, which is important, psychological maturity – the ability to control emotions, assess the consequences of actions, be responsible for what has been done and solve problems that have arisen. Therefore, early sex is not the best option for a teenager. But if it’s too hot and it’s impossible, what should the boy-boy know by this time?
– You have to understand that boys in adolescence by the age of 14 have a strong hormonal explosion, – says psychologist-sexologist Elena Shamova. – Incredible sexual desire and all kinds of fantasies appear. He even undresses the most modest classmates with a glance and presents them in crazy orgies. This is the age at which physiology presses over everything else – studies, relationships with parents and friends, responsibilities, hobbies … afraid of this meeting, because he is extremely insecure.
The first thing that needs to be instilled in a teenager: the girl with whom intimacy is possible must be at least 16 years old. According to Russian law, it is this age that is considered the age of sexual consent (Article 134 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation). And let him not touch the innocent, you never know … However, everyone knows the story of Diana Shurygina.
Most often, the first sex takes place at funny teen gatherings. I note right away: alcohol negatively affects the quality of the process (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation), and this, in turn, can lead to psychological trauma and affect self-esteem in the future, up to complete disgust for women.
Personal experience
– The first time it was right in front of the army, at the age of 18. We have been dating for 7-8 months, at first I “shore” her, then she “broke”, and somehow it didn’t work out. Both then lived with their parents, she also lived with her grandmother, and my mother did not work. Therefore, it really did not work out to retire. So, awkward kisses at the entrance, and then under the supervision of some old woman or neighbor on the balcony. And when there was already a traditional farewell, we walked until the morning, and in a burst of emotions right at the entrance there was that very first time. Looking ahead, I will say that he was the first only for me. Then I did not understand this, I learned much later that Elizabeth (that was the name of my chosen one) was far from a righteous woman.
For me, the first sex was something special, beyond the real, I endlessly remembered that night. I was ashamed that it happened in such conditions, no romance. I was afraid that she would not forgive me, that everything turned out so cheaply and hastily. Well, later, from the letters of friends, I learned that for her such meetings at the entrance are a common thing, but she did not deny. She called me an inept virgin, a burdock, they say, others were more persistent and such “shyness” as me, she did not need. After the army, I never saw her, she moved somewhere. For some time I was afraid of girls, I had a complex that I would seem inept. But later the problem disappeared by itself, an athletic physique and a sense of humor (usually girls praised it in me) did their job.
Sergey, 35 years old.
It is good if the first sex happens with a girl with whom the boy is dating and they have not only spiritual intimacy, but also bodily. Studying each other during petting, exploring erogenous zones will help relieve emotional stress, increase self-confidence and even give your partner pleasure.
The setting for first sex should balance the teens’ storm of emotions – be calm and safe and relaxed. Granny’s cough behind the wall is unlikely to add “romanticism” to such a responsible event. And it would be nice to have a few hours in reserve for the process (you never know how it goes!), And not flinch from every knock behind the wall. By the way, surveys of young people give the following picture: 35% have their first sex in hostels, 25% – at home without their parents, 10% – in friends’ apartment. So, adults, go to the dacha!
Personal experience
– I was 21 years old, I was already in my third year, and we went to the sea to the children’s camp as counselors. Somehow it so happened that before this age there was no intimacy with girls. Although I was definitely popular and was not particularly shy. But the strict mother and eight circles and sections did not allow me to be alone with the girls. I was in love with a girl, who was also a counselor, and she “lit up” with another. And somehow I caught them practically doing this. I was furious that it was not me who got it, and practically out of spite I slept with another, which I didn’t like at all. Just in the middle of one of the night parties, he took her to a spare room. I was very ashamed and unpleasant, but she was waiting for some development of the event. I couldn’t even tell if I liked it or not. And the girl thought that I was a kind of macho and that for me it was a habit to use and forget. She was afraid that I would tell everyone that she was frivolous. I later explained that this story remained between us. But our relationship was strained until the end of our studies. And that my passion soon became pregnant, gave birth and finished her studies already in the status of a single mother.
Artem, 34 years old
A guy should be thinking about contraception. At the age of 16, a girl has a very high hormonal background, and from a banal kiss on the neck she can not only lose her will, but also her mind. And remind your son that a condom not only protects a girl from unwanted pregnancy, but also protects him from unpleasant diseases, including HIV. There is nothing easier to put the product in your son’s pocket – if necessary, he will use it and remember you with a kind word.
Some parents, realizing the importance of first sex for their son, turn to single adult women for help. Perhaps this is your option? If yes, invite a lady not eccentric, but calm, patient, respectful. And, most importantly, not inclined to turn your boy’s head and marry him to herself.
Personal experience
– I had my first sex at the age of 14, the girl was three years older, we lived in neighboring houses, walked in the same company. The story was terribly stupid, we gathered at someone’s house, played cards, had fun. And the girls began to make fun of her (and they themselves were younger than her), they say, she is still a virgin, “old maid”, does not smoke, does not go to clubs. She was crying on the balcony: is it a shame to take care of yourself? I consoled, stroked, hugged. And then she, probably out of despair, began to ask me to take her virginity. Could I refuse? Of course not. We made an appointment at my house, there was no smell of love, but we followed all the serial chips. Candles, wine, chocolate, music. Everything turned out somehow forced and tense. But in general we liked it, we even met for a while, about six months. And then they dispersed absolutely calmly and in a friendly way, without any offense. She got a boyfriend, and I got a girlfriend.
Dmitry, 31 years old
If the first sex came out lumpy, sincerely support your son. Teenagers are prone to gigantomania and often exaggerate the scale of the problem. Most of them, after unsuccessful sex, think that if this happened, then sex is contraindicated for them in the future. The stories of friends about “how such a fish” add fuel to the fire. Help your child not to become insecure. Convince your son that this is not forever and that you should not take the situation fatally. Explain that over time, regular sex is bound to get better and last longer. And size doesn’t matter here.
Ekaterina Rizhskaya, Yana Lyubaeva