First day of the rest of my life

Why do I live? What is the meaning of my life? Such questions sooner or later arise in front of everyone. Logotherapist Svetlana Shtukareva claims that it will be easier to answer them if we begin to perceive every day as the first day of the rest of our lives.

Psychologies: What does this phrase mean?

Svetlana Shtukareva: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Steps to a Fulfilled Existence” is the title of the book by Viktor Frankl’s student Elisabeth Lucas. The phrase means that we create an inextricable link between the past and the future through the eye of a needle in the present.

Let’s look into yesterday: what did it consist of, what were the joyful moments, for which we are grateful to him and what can we take into tomorrow? It can be the smallest events: a dog licked its puppies, a flower blossomed, someone kissed on the escalator… A promising future inspires us, and the concept of “remaining” lands. Therefore, this phrase forces us to tighten up and make efforts to make meaningful today today.

And this resonates with the concept of “living goodbye”, which is well known to people suffering from incurable diseases. They are clearly aware that now they cannot be exchanged for trifles, insignificant events, meetings. It doesn’t matter how old we are – 20 or 90, every day is the rest of our lives.

Does our existence always have a meaning?

Yes, and our task is to discover and discover it. Since each person is unique, the meaning that exists for him is unique. To pass on meaning by inheritance, in a friendly way, for professional reasons is a thankless task.

How long does it take to discover this important thing in yourself?

We cannot know the meaning of all life. Because until the last breath, we are able to make choices and take actions that change this meaning. But – good news! – we are given to realize the meanings of individual moments. “Meaning in life” as Viktor Frankl used to say. We can determine the meaning of a given situation.

Often without thinking about it, we make a choice literally every minute. Sometimes these are big decisions, sometimes they are small ones: what to wear, what to eat, who to call, what to say and how to say … But it is precisely the effort that we put into choosing the one option that is most suitable from a million options that makes sense. All other possibilities, as Elizabeth Lucas puts it, fall into the jaws of death. They will never be realized.

At what age do we begin to realize the meaning of life?

In early childhood, and sometimes more acutely than in adulthood. For young children, any event is a huge discovery: to run after a bright butterfly or “conquer” a puddle. Mature people often say: well, what else can surprise me in this life? Even if I don’t know something, haven’t seen it, I can assume what it looks like, that it exists. I have never been to Africa, but I have a rough idea of ​​what it is.

And for a child, this is a secret that he wants to discover himself. He is not content with guessing. Children are very involved in reality. And in this sense, it is extremely rare to meet a child whose life is empty. That is why life is so long for children.

Does the understanding of our main task change with age?

Certainly. Having reached the age of 20, 30 or 70 years, we turn around to the events of the past, especially traumatic ones, and we can rethink them. Then it seemed to us that we would not survive, that this pain would haunt us constantly. But we can again meet with that sad situation and look at it already from the height of our experience, age, with a baggage of opportunities and skills.

Maybe we will find a new understanding and other ways. Then it will become easier to breathe, we will leave the position of the victim. According to logotherapy, by establishing a distance between ourselves and our experience, we cease to identify with it: the experience becomes only a part of me, but not my life as a whole.

What if there are no accomplishments?

The question itself is misleading. We often notice high peaks, bet on one peak, but ignore the hills and hillocks. Sometimes words of support spoken in time to another can “weigh” no less than a great scientific discovery. Smaller peaks also change the landscape – and not only my own life, but the world, because my life is also a peak among billions of others.

Of course, there are outstanding geniuses whose contribution is more visible. But there are small heroes – not very high mounds. Our task is to take a closer look at all our hillocks and plains. I dare to assure you that even a child has a lot of such peaks. To be able to be grateful for the realization of one’s possibilities means to feel the meaningfulness of life, to be in contact with it, to experience, as Albert Schweitzer said, reverent delight in front of it.

Is it possible to live only for yourself?

If someone says that he has found the meaning of life for himself, then he has not found it at all. He groped for something that suits him at the moment. But it will cease to suit him after some time, if others are not included in this system of value coordinates. We are so arranged that we cannot be cut off from others, from the world. Even those who leave to live as a hermit always have some kind of connection – with the universe, God, people, even in their thoughts. We are always in dialogue.

How to understand that the meaning in life is found?

When the meaning is found, we experience inspiration, it pushes us to some kind of action, lifts us up. Once I performed in an absolutely empty pavilion on Poklonnaya Gora: the event had not yet had time to unwind, it was the first day of a multi-day project. Later, many visitors came. But the topic of the speech at that moment was so important to me, I was so inspired that I read the lecture from beginning to end without a single spectator. I read it to the universe. And for me, it made sense.

How do significant events that change our lives affect our understanding of it?

Such experiences can make us more receptive and wiser. But even small changes can become fatal if we are not indifferent and sensitive to what is happening outside: in the world and in our immediate environment. If we perceive ourselves as part of a meaningful project that was formed long before we were born and will continue after we are gone. Then we feel not just a cog in a big machine, but a unique part that changes the overall picture. Without us, it will be, maybe a little bit, but different.

For example, there is a case when, after an accident in which his friend died due to the fault of a drunk driver, signs of the nearest telephone appeared on the highways thanks to the same driver so that help could be promptly provided. So it’s not about events as such, but how we respond to them.

“Man’s vocation lies at the intersection of his talents and the needs of the world,” said Aristotle. If I know what I am good at, what I am rich and good at, and at the same time I do not close in on myself, I will begin to respond to external events in the best way, and a great alliance will arise between me and the world.