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The first date is a situation when life itself invites us to leave our usual social roles and join a new game. Why do men and women see her script differently?
Apparel
Women put a lot of effort into finding the right outfit. They want to present themselves in the most advantageous light and at the same time emphasize that they are keeping up with the times. But men tend to be ill-informed about fashion trends.
“If he doesn’t associate your image with femininity, it’s more difficult for him to get involved in a romantic game,” explains family therapist Marina Myaus. — Most likely, he will not remember what exactly you were wearing. All that will remain in his memory is the presence or absence of femininity, beauty, calmness and self-confidence. If you manage to emphasize these qualities with the help of clothing, this will help him evaluate you as a woman with whom he wants to continue communication.
The more concise your outfit and the accessories that support it, the higher the chances that he will like this choice. This is because the simple cut of your dress (choosing a dress in favor of trousers will also emphasize femininity) will not distract him from the main thing — yourself.
To know each other
It is not so important for a man to immediately learn about you as much as possible. After the first date, he will most likely note how he felt with the new companion and what impression she had on him. A woman, in response to a similar question, will tell much more, mark his profession, whether he was married and whether he has children.
Practical information is important and interesting for a woman, while a man attaches more importance to an emotional impression.
A man, most likely, will not think about what this or that female word or look could mean.
“This is partly due to the fact that a woman can multitask more easily and is distinguished by greater communicative competence,” the psychologist believes. — She manages to assess the emotional mood: the attitude of the man towards her and her feelings. And at the same time, a woman is mastering the rational sphere, trying to answer practical questions.
The future of relationships
At the very beginning of a relationship, men are more inclined to live «here and now», enjoying only communication. They are not ready, like women, to get ahead of themselves and dream about the future: a happy time under one roof, travel, a dog and rosy-cheeked children.
“There is nothing wrong with dreams, but it is important for a woman to feel the difference between fantasies and obsessive thinking about plans in order to allay anxiety about the future,” says Marina Myaus. “The latter often indicates an attempt to control the situation and turns out to be a neurotic symptom that will not allow the relationship to develop in a healthy way.”
Read between the lines
A man, most likely, will not begin to think about what this or that female word or look could mean. It is enough just to feel that he is good with you, so that he has a desire to invite you on a second date. A woman, paying more attention to details, can remember all the nuances of the meeting.
Our interest is largely determined by how much the partner helped us meet an important part of ourselves.
“The brain of men is focused on isolating important and secondary tasks,” explains the psychologist. — The subtleties of non-verbal communication — gestures, glances, facial expressions — they often do not take into account. For them, these are just additional nuances, on the reliability of which they, unlike women, are not used to relying on.
Subject of conversation
One of the most significant differences is the attitude to the topics of conversation. Women can talk and listen about friends or family, placing a high value on what and how the character in the story said. Men find stories about people they don’t know extremely boring.
“The biggest mistake is to immediately talk about the difficulties that you are still going through with your ex-partner,” warns Marina Myaus. — A man’s love is dyadic, that is, it does not imply a “third superfluous”. In your stories, he reads the possibility of a love triangle and will avoid it.
“The first date is first of all a meeting with yourself”
Lev Khegai, Jungian analyst
First dates are not yet a relationship with another person, but a clash with one’s internal processes: fears, hopes, complexes, family scenarios. We will discover a partner for ourselves later, but for now our interest is largely determined by how much he helped us meet with an important part of ourselves.
Does he reveal what is important and dear to us in ourselves? Are we ready to face new experiences? The saying “a man loves with his eyes” is based on the fact that he unconsciously compares his companion with the image of the ideal object inside himself. This image corresponds to the image of his Soul or his own second half — the Inner Woman.
A psychologically adult and socially established man will seek, first of all, an emotional resonance with a woman. After all, love life gives him a chance to develop that side of the personality, which is usually little involved in the social activities of men. If the first date does not “hook” us, we will not go on the second. Therefore, it is of exceptional importance, although it does not guarantee a happy ending to the whole story. This is just an excuse to show the best that we have — creativity, spontaneity, willingness to look at ourselves from a new perspective.