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Relationships with work often resemble romantic ones. At first we worry, like on a first date, then we get used to it, we make plans. But what if you want to quit your job, but there is no determination to do so?
If during working hours you constantly look at your watch, in the evening you do not feel satisfaction from the past day, and you perceive the weekend as “light at the end of the tunnel”, the first alarm signals have already arrived. The time has come to figure out what gives you a job and whether it has a place in your future.
Why do you want to leave your job?
First of all, you need to understand why you are “looking to the side.” Is your job really over or is the “relationship” just in need of a makeover?
One of the founders of coaching, Timothy Galwey, in his book Work as an Inner Game, says that three elements are necessary for long-term effectiveness: pleasure, development, and result. As soon as one of the vertices of this triangle “fails”, the efficiency of activity decreases.
However, this does not mean that it is time to write a statement. Yes, an interesting, exciting job makes us stronger and can protect us from emotional burnout, but even if we don’t like the job, we come to the office every morning.
Perhaps we still find something important in it?
Existential psychologist Elena Stankovskaya believes that the situation needs to be looked at more broadly: “Think about how the current work affects you and what in this influence is connected with external circumstances, and what is with internal settings. It is useful to determine which life projects are your priority right now, to feel the value that is in the current situation, no matter how “wrong” it may seem outwardly.”
It is possible that the answers will be unexpected and you will find strong pros, the existence of which you did not know. It is better to meditate at rest, for example, relaxing in your favorite chair with a cup of tea and a notebook. Do this on a day off, when you can put aside current issues and take time for yourself.
You can’t leave, you can’t stay: how to notice the turning point
For some, work is a constant development. It should make it possible for the other to feel significant or important. The third important is the amount that fell on the card at the end of the month. Not everyone prescribes criteria, but most people imagine them when looking for a job. It is important to notice in time the moment when these important criteria are no longer met.
Narrative coach Olga Zotova notes: “It’s not always just about changing jobs. Often we know perfectly well what we don’t like to do, but have absolutely no idea what we would like to do instead. There is a saying: “No matter how far you go down the wrong road, turn around.”
Only by daring to enter into other paths can you find out what you like.
That is why, as a second step, identify the sources of your passion: performing what tasks did you experience the most excitement, fell into a state of “flow”, what skills and strengths helped you in this?
Often, getting fired is so difficult because it means a major internal change. By changing the profession, occupation, work team, we thereby change ourselves. Michael White, one of the founders of narrative therapy, called this “identity migration.”
Imagine how you cross from one bank to another through a stormy mountain river – an equally serious task awaits you ahead. Think – who or what can support you along the way? What obstacles might you encounter and what will help you overcome them? If, despite the assessed risks, you have only confirmed your desire to leave, remind yourself that you have the right to do so, make a decision and take action.
Nothing personal: how not to let colleagues down when they leave
Many employees who have worked in one place for a long time are afraid of letting their bosses down with their dismissal, sometimes even offending them. Typically, this happens when professional and personal contexts are mixed. We often experience a mixture of gratitude, guilt, and anxiety towards the leader.
“All this makes it difficult to assess real obligations, and also makes it difficult to take a clear position in connection with the dismissal. A confidential conversation with a supportive person or specialist can lead to a more balanced assessment of the situation and to the drawing of boundaries between personal and professional,” says Elena Stankovskaya.
Work is your partner. You give her your skills, abilities, time, energy
In return, you receive a salary and the opportunity for professional growth. A good manager will not leave the system “broken” when he leaves. “At the time of dismissal, calmly and clearly talk with the head of the circumstances of your departure – to whom and in what time frame you will transfer cases. The world is becoming more and more transparent, and the ability to “leave on good terms” can be a contribution to your professional reputation,” advises Olga Zotova.
At the final stage, give yourself the opportunity to “peer” at your leader. Think about what you can do to keep your relationship with him. Only after that, according to Elena Stankovskaya, it is possible to draw up a specific plan of action: what and how I will say, what difficulties I will have in connection with this, what will support me from the inside.
To be sure, it makes sense to do a “master run” and practice before talking. Deep preparation will help you make the right choice, and a conscious decision and inner agreement with it will insure against stress.
Yes/No exercise
This exercise will help you understand yourself and understand whether it is worth deciding on dismissal.
At the top of the sheet, write down one of the alternatives (for example, “Leave your job”). Then divide the page into two parts: YES and NO.
In the first column, write down all the things that will become possible if you make this decision.
What does this decision say “YES” to?
- What opportunities opens up?
- What practices and skills am I saying “YES” to?
- What lifestyle? What kind of people are around?
- What “version” of yourself?
In the second, describe the opportunities that will close with the decision made.
What does this decision say “NO” to?
- What am I giving up?
- What can I not become?
Then do the same with another alternative (for example, “Stay at this job”). As a result, you will get two future scenarios. Which one would you like to be in more? This exercise is also useful in any other difficult choice situation.