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At school, you struggled to hold back tears when you got a B. “Silver” in sports competitions was tantamount to defeat. You always set high goals for yourself, are constantly stressed and still get furious if you fail. Most likely, you are a perfectionist, and people admire your determination. But isn’t the price for the passion for the ideal too high?
In order to poison life, perfectionism should not reach the scale of pathology, like the heroine of the film “Black Swan”. From the dark side of this personality trait, most excellent students “in life” suffer.
“Trying to reach for the stars, perfectionists risk hanging in the air. They are particularly susceptible to relationship problems and mood disorders,” wrote psychologist David Burns 40 years ago.
The signs listed below will help determine how far your perfectionism has gone – after all, only by recognizing the problem, we can deal with it.
1. You go out of your way to impress.
As a rule, perfectionism develops in childhood. Parents and teachers praise diligent and accurate students and criticize negligent students.
Once on the hook of praise and recognition, the child tries to comply in everything. He “achieves” – and because of this “exists”. Unfortunately, the endless pursuit of great results can lead to frustration and constant self-doubt.
2. You felt more successful at school than you do now.
Some people hate school – but not perfectionists. The structure of schooling and the formula “be diligent, study well, get rewarded” is heaven for most of them.
However, in the adult world, success is measured very differently and less predictably. Tasks no longer descend from above, and it is very difficult to find an exact analogue of the “five plus”.
3. You are a great procrastinator
Too strong desire for success, paradoxically, can also hinder it. Researchers from the University of York have found that social approval-oriented perfectionism goes hand in hand with procrastination.
4. You find it hard to open up to other people.
Author and University of Houston research professor Brené Brown likened perfectionism to the “20-ton shield” these people carry around as protection against other people’s judgments.
A strong fear of rejection does not allow them to be themselves, so they keep their emotions under control and by all means want to seem strong personalities.
5. You think in a make or break manner.
Psychologist Randy Frost has studied perfectionism for 20 years and found that perfectionists are so used to winning that they avoid risky projects or tasks. And this, in turn, hinders creativity and innovation in their activities.
For perfectionists, there are no halftones and averages, they often suffer from eating disorders like anorexia. It always seems to them that the ideal, although unattainable, is at the same time somewhere nearby. It remains only to lose a little more weight …