What prevents the feeling of shame and how to overcome it? Brené Brown, a professor at the University of Houston, reflects on this. Abstracts of the lecture.
University of Houston professor Brené Brown rose to prominence with her hit previous lecture on ted.com, “The Power of Vulnerability.” In a new presentation, the professor reflects on what hinders the feeling of shame and how to overcome it.
- “Theodore Roosevelt said: “Respect is not the one who notices annoying mistakes and points out to a strong personality its shortcomings, but the one who is in the arena of struggle, whose face is stained with dust, sweat and blood, who fights bravely, is sincerely mistaken, makes mistakes. because without them one cannot do a single worthy deed. The main thing is to decide on an act, to be able to be in the arena. Shame gets in the way. This is the demon that whispers: “No, you are not worthy … I know everything that happened to you in your youth … I know that you consider yourself not beautiful enough (smart, strong) … “We need to calm these thoughts, prepare for battle and see in the eyes of a critic who points a finger at you and laughs – in 99% of cases this critic is you!
- Shame is driven by two thoughts: “Unworthy” and “Who do you think you are?”. Shame focuses us on ourselves (“I am bad”), not on behavior (“I did badly”). Shame is associated with addiction, depression, aggression, bullying, suicide…
- For a woman, shame is a web of unattainable, conflicting, and competing expectations of who she should be. For a man, the most shameful thing is to be weak.
- Shame is the epidemic of our time. And in order to cope with it, to find the way back – to each other, we need to understand how shame affects us, our relationships. Remember empathy – this is the main antidote to shame. If we want to find a way to each other, then this is a vulnerability. To be vulnerable, to be seen in this state, to be honest and receive sympathy in return, is to find a way back to each other.”