Fight between child and teacher

Good upbringing, upbringing completely without conflicts and litigation with children is unrealistic.

To educate means sometimes to stop what gives the child pleasure. Watching TV, eating sweets, splashing in the water, playing outside… Sooner or later you have to say: “Enough, enough. Stop,” but the children want to, and they try to fight the “evil” parents.

To educate means (in particular) to instill in children things that are not quite natural for them. Cleaning, brushing teeth, going to bed, doing homework — this is not always a pleasure for children. If you manage to make these things interesting, attractive for children, this is good luck, but if such a maneuver fails, the children will most likely begin to resist what the elders want from them.

It is clear that a lot depends on the parents. You want to love cheerful and caring parents, you want to obey reasonable and fair parents — but are we always like this? Before preparing to fight with a child, first create normal relations with the children, establish and maintain a warm and cheerful contact with the child so that it is interesting for him to be with you and listen to you. Your natural background of life is you Sunshine. Yes? The next step is to communicate with children. Children need to tell everything and explain everything, explain everything and tell everything. The child will know what you explain to him — do not be lazy, explain. The child needs to be explained why adults behave this way, the child needs to be explained how to behave correctly to children. Well, teach your child to listen to you. If you set such a task, it is not very difficult.

However, when the children begin to protest, object, and test you for strength, take it easy. When children try protest behavior against their parents, this is normal and natural. The most obedient children from time to time always check whether it is possible to disobey their parents? Do not take to heart the attacks of stubbornness of children, their protests and cries: children do not have you personally in mind, they just explore over and over again how far they can go in this struggle. Here they look like little lion cubs, which all day long are measured against each other in a game struggle: healthy children also like to measure their strength. They want to know how much power and influence they have, and with whom and with what they can do it. They are explorers. And the first ones on whom it is natural for children to try their hand are parents, and all healthy and active children will do this sooner or later, especially during periods of age crises. The main type of test is a test of the resistance of parents to a child’s attack, when the child actively insists on his desires. Tantrums, screams, fights, protests, “I don’t want to and I won’t!” … If you show a child weakness here, the child understands that parents can be outplayed. And he starts using it.

And what to do? There is no need to worry, but you can and must act decisively. In a good family, children are loved and respected, but the power belongs to the parents. Giving in to screams and frantic stomping means not only: “Finally, peace and silence!” It also means giving the child permission to continue acting with such defiant methods. This is wrong, don’t reinforce the child’s unwanted behavior.

I once had to talk to the mother of a very disobedient thirteen-year-old boy who scorned the slightest hint of parental authority. He did not return home until two in the morning and defiantly ignored any demands from his mother. Assuming that this problem did not arise today, I asked the woman to tell how it all began. She remembered it quite distinctly. Her son was not yet three years old when one day, while putting him to bed, she received a spit in the face.

She explained to him how important it was not to spit in her mother’s face, but her speech was interrupted by another spit. This woman was convinced that all disagreements should be resolved through discussions, in the spirit of love and mutual understanding. So she wiped her face and began her speech again—and once again got a well-targeted shot of saliva. Growing disconcerted, she shook her son, but not hard enough to ward off another spit.

What was she to do? Her philosophy did not offer her a worthy response to this overwhelming challenge. Finally, in desperation, she ran out of the room, and the little victor’s spitting after her hit the slammed door. The mother lost the fight, but the son won. The woman, with pain and irritation, confessed to me that since that time she had never been able to defeat her son!

If the parents are worthy, then there is no need to quarrel with the parents, there is no need to rebel against them. You can negotiate with your parents for good, but you can’t demand from your parents what you want. Teach this to the kids! The authority of parents is strengthened when, in a situation where a child is testing parental stability, parents show reasonable firmness.

Danila is 1 year old, usually she listens to her parents easily. This time he climbed onto the sofa, stretched out his hand to the picture hanging on the wall, and looks at his mother. «Daniel, come to me!» — does not go. He shook the picture and looks at his mother — what will be the reaction? “Daniel, you can’t touch the painting. Come here, otherwise I’ll punish you.” Continuing to look at my mother, he shook the picture strongly again: what will happen? Mom calmly put Danila in a corner, he sobbed defiantly for five minutes. Then he calmed down, his mother called him, explained again that the picture should not be touched. Although the point is not that Danila did not know this: this time he checked what would happen if he did not obey his mother?

It is normal and natural that parents can and should keep their children’s behavior within reasonable limits. therefore, once the struggle between children and parents is normal and natural. Those parents who are not ready for this struggle and leave it, hide their heads in the sand, face these problems later and in more difficult forms. You can put up with the fact that a small child does not listen to you and is capricious, it is more difficult to put up with when a teenager already steals large sums of money from you and seems to become a drug addict … On the other hand, if you know how to win this fight with small children and, having the power to put the relationship in the right direction, then raise their children easily and without problems. Beating children is not a thing, but one real slap in three years guarantees complete understanding for the next fifteen years. Living in a war with children is stupid, but sometime, when you are being tested, you need to show your strength and “break off” the child.

It is necessary to agree on who and when will perform the difficult role of a “deceiver”. As a rule, men cope better with this role, and this is primarily their job. It’s hard work, and it’s better if mom supports dad in this matter, and sometimes replaces him. The distribution of the roles of “good” and “bad” parent” is a very reasonable thing, and it is better to alternate these roles. When a child tests your strength, be ready to demonstrate strength. Women do not like to act tough, but in vain: once in a lifetime to give a specific slap and after a lifetime to be in good relations is better than being afraid to give a slap once in a lifetime and after a lifetime to make trouble with a child.

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.