Up to a certain age, the child considers himself the center of the world: everything happens not only for him, but also because of him. And therefore, it is not uncommon for children to unwittingly blame themselves for the divorce of their parents, illnesses of loved ones and other troubles. If adults do not help them in time to relieve themselves of unnecessary responsibility, the consequences can be extremely serious.
It is known that the condition of an adult can greatly affect a child, and in these difficult times, parents often face the question: “How can we help children if it’s hard for us to cope ourselves? What if we don’t have the resources to support them at all?”
Perhaps the answer to this question will be given by psychologists from the Southern Methodist University (USA). They decided to find out if the children of mothers who suffer from depression experience similar symptoms. The study involved 129 mothers and their children, whose average age was 13 years.
First, the women were given questionnaires, and they had to agree or disagree with statements like «I can’t get rid of my sadness» or «I’ve lost interest in my usual activities.» In this way, psychologists were able to assess whether the mothers interviewed had symptoms of depression, even if they had not been diagnosed with a depressive disorder. Approximately 12% of women showed clear signs of clinical depression. Mothers also talked about whether they see similar manifestations in their children.
In parallel, the children of the participants were asked to take a survey so that psychologists could determine whether these girls and boys are experiencing anxiety, whether they have signs of depression. The researchers also found out whether each child surveyed feels guilty that his mother is sad or depressed.
It turned out that children who feel personally responsible for their mother’s problems are themselves prone to anxiety and depression.
The researchers explained: the more pronounced a woman’s symptoms of depression, the higher the risk that her children will also experience anxiety. But, oddly enough, this does not apply to all children. According to scientists, those children who feel guilty that their mother suffers from depression are most vulnerable to such disorders.
Such a development of events can be prevented by talking with the child about the condition and symptoms of his mother.
Why is this happening? The authors of the study cite two reasons why children who take responsibility for their mother’s condition are more vulnerable to depression and anxiety.
First, a child who blames himself for adult problems is more likely to think about his mother’s symptoms. And the very thoughts about stress factors, especially those that we can’t influence in any way, cause deep feelings.
Second, if children take responsibility for adult depression, they often try to correct the situation. They use strategies that are completely ineffective in this case: for example, they begin to study better or take on the lion’s share of household chores. However, children initially incorrectly determine the cause of depression, and, of course, the mother does not feel better because the child, for example, finished the quarter without triples.
As a result, children feel helpless, their self-esteem drops, and eventually they themselves begin to suffer in much the same way as their mother.
Psychologists at Southern Methodist University believe that such a development of events can be prevented by talking to the child about the condition and symptoms of his mother. Parents, family friends and other close people should pay close attention to the information they convey to their children. Usually we try to be attentive to those who suffer, but we forget that the inner circle of a depressed person is also under great stress.
Separately, it is worth listening to the comments that the child makes, describing a difficult situation. Adults should intervene if they hear (or even begin to suspect) that the child considers himself guilty of the adult’s problems.