Injuries and inner inhibitions inspire a sense of helplessness. But they cannot kill free will in us. Philosopher Alex Pattakos explains how to let go of the burden of the past and take charge of your life.
Psychologies: You rely on the method of Viktor Frankl, a psychologist who went through a concentration camp. What tests have you had?
Alex Pattakos: I served in the US Army for three years, as a psychologist working with soldiers during the Vietnam War, I saw its terrible side. Many returned home traumatized, suffering from depression. But I decided otherwise: the fact that I survived is a gift from above. I have to justify it somehow, do something meaningful.
I decided it doesn’t matter what your experience was. What matters is what you do with it. This does not mean that you should use it as an excuse. To think that the past life determines the future is not entirely true. We define it ourselves.
But if we experienced something difficult, we won’t be able to forget about it …
We should not forget – after all, this is our experience, it makes us unique. But the main thing is how we deal with it. Think of people who have experienced trauma. About those who were bullied in childhood, who suffered abuse, ended up in a war zone. All these are people who are haunted by the past. But some can rise above it. Just like Viktor Frankl did. He could say: “The Germans broke my life, I will hate them forever.” But he said, “I have free will. I don’t have to live with hatred in my heart.” In the future, he even supported the repentant Nazis. And every person can do the same: break the chain of negative experience using free will.
What if we don’t have the strength?
Each of us is capable of making a choice. There is a stimulus – an event, something that happens to us. And there is an answer – how we react. In the space between them lies the possibility of choice.
We can decide how to react to what happened, what to do, what plan to develop. Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison for resisting the regime. Already as President of South Africa, he met with Bill Clinton, who asked: “When you crossed the threshold of prison, didn’t you hate your enemies?” Mandela replied: “I hated it. But I said to myself: if you continue, you will remain a prisoner. And I freed my mind because I wanted to be free.” As a result, in the remaining time, he did as much as many do not succeed in a lifetime.
The situations of Mandela and Frankl are extreme. But it is difficult for many to free themselves from fears, restrictions …
One of my books is called Prisoners of My Own Thoughts. But we are not only prisoners, we are also jailers for others. We obey what our parents have laid in us, what our friends and colleagues are waiting for. And by our beliefs, we limit others in the same way. But we have free will. We can choose a different direction. I grew up in a very strict religious family. My father controlled my every step. But I have learned to perceive his pressure as a challenge, as a signal: now I have a chance to defend what is important to me.
If life does not press and seems measured, how to understand that something is wrong in it?
Dimension is an illusion. Even the ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus said: “You cannot step into the same river twice.” Life flows. We are sitting in a boat carried by the current. But if we want to sail where we want to, sometimes the boat must capsize. I met people who said: “Thank God I got fired. Thank God I’m divorced.” Otherwise, they would not have realized that the work was pulling them to the bottom, and feelings for their spouse had cooled. You have to be sensitive to what is happening.
Sensitivity is more important than intelligence. If you have read tons of books but rely only on knowledge, you will remain deaf to yourself and others. Like in sports, if you play basketball or hockey and don’t watch what is happening on the field, you will break the whole game. You can’t find meaning if you don’t know where to look. You won’t know where to go if you don’t know where you are and how you got here.
What could be the signal for change?
Awareness can take many forms – boredom, anxiety, stress. I had clients who called me on the way to work with the words: “It seems that I have enough stroke now.” They were so suffocated by stress that the pressure rose and they were afraid that they would die.
If you know something and do nothing about it, your knowledge is worthless. Fear or boredom is a compass that will show that you are going the wrong way. But in order to move towards the goal, you need fuel – enthusiasm.
Passion, dedication – that’s where the spirit lives. When I go to big corporations, I see people with dead eyes. Entering the office, they hang the soul on a hook, and at the end of the day they take it away.
Many separate work and life.
Exactly! So why not find a job that will be meaningful to you? I want to emphasize: we are talking about significance, not significance. You may not be a big boss, but if the job is to your heart’s content, if it allows you to express yourself, that’s the most important thing. People work in terrible conditions, they feel like slaves. But they can also choose – for example, to create a business, open a store. The most important thing is to practice free will, to learn mindfulness.
The best definition of consciousness I’ve seen is the difference between the observer and the observed. If you want to change consciousness, you must either change what you are looking at or change your position.
What if we want to change something in society?
It is important what choice we make in each specific situation. We often associate changes with major steps, forgetting about the little things. We can not participate in harassment, deceit, spreading false information. Even if you say hello to a neighbor instead of passing by, it changes the dynamics, the flow of energy.
The problem with collective decisions is that we are always trying to rise above to be listened to. Silence others. In politics, in business, even in psychotherapy. We fight, find out who is to blame, make excuses so that we are not accused. But how does this change the situation? Stephen Covey (American leadership consultant. – Approx. ed.) believed that leadership is unthinkable without synergy, and its essence is to appreciate the differences between us.
But there are some things we just can’t change.
Certainly. Tomorrow a nuclear war could start – can I prevent it? But I can not be afraid and do what I can. You can become a source of influence: write articles, take on the problems of your area. The worst thing is to convince yourself that nothing depends on you, and lay low.
About expert
Alex Pattakos – An American philosopher of Greek origin, a follower of the psychologist and existential philosopher Viktor Frankl, the creator of “senseology” (the study and practice of meaningfulness in life, at work and in social activities).